‘Dear Hodges’ Broken Heart Surgeon
‘DEAR HODGES’ HAS RETURNED TO SURGICALLY REPAIR BROKEN HEARTS, by Wayne Hodges
SHAWNEE MISSION, Kan – Experiencing some problems in the bedroom? Does your spouse or significant other spend the majority of late night hours complaining about your sexual performance? Has your romantic fire been doused with a dripping wet towel of sexual dysfunction? If so, say no more. The ‘Broken Heart Surgeon’ is here to help spark your midnight flame.
Actually, only God above has all the answers. However, if you’re lookin’ for a local slant, this is certainly the place to be. Unfortunately, as the Summer heats up, more online cases of heartache flu and relationship fever have resurfaced. But, that’s OK. I’ll just grab my stethoscope, prescription booklet and first aid kit as we get down to the love resuscitation business.
Lauryn Hill dazzled the fans with “Ready or not, here I come”
READY OR NOT, HERE I COME: “Dear Hodges, me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years but we still live in our own apartments. I’m ready to take the next step and live together, but he appears to be procrastinating. Now I’m to the point where I’m ready to either move forward in this relationship or move on without it. What do you think? Sincerely, Diva 2010 from Independence.”
HODGES: Hey, I know two years seem like an eternity. However, time should never be used as a measuring stick for cohabitation. Instead, try putting more emphasis on marriage; in addition to such intangible assets as love, chemistry, and spiritual well-being. After all, moving in is the easy part. What’s difficult is maintaining a happy, peaceful home.
Biz Markie didn’t believe her when she said “He’s just a friend”
SHE SAID HE’S JUST A FRIEND: “Dear Hodges, my girlfriend of 6 months continues to have long conversations with her male friend on the telephone. She claims he’s her best friend from high school. And I believe her when she says nothing is going on. But I don’t feel too good about their friendship. Am I being too over-protective, or should I be concerned. Sincerely, ‘Mind playin’ tricks on me’ from Kansas City.”
HODGES: Yes, you should be terribly concerned! Are you kidding me? When it comes to my lady, food and cash, I don’t share with nobody. It would be in your best interest to exterminate their relationship before something bizarre happens. Think about it. Most men form friendships with women for two distinct reasons. 1) He likes her, but blew his chance. Now he’s stuck in the hated ‘Friend Zone.’ And 2) he likes her, and feels he has a chance. Both are bad news as far as you’re concerned. Besides, what do they have in common to carry such long conversations anyway? I’m quite sure they’re not swapping tuna casserole recipes. What’s the prescription? Get him on the phone today and politely utter these words: “Nah my brother, you gotta find your own!”
Madonna is a “Material Girl” in a material world
I’M A MATERIAL GIRL: “Dear Hodges, my boyfriend of 2 years didn’t spend much money on my Valentine’s Day gifts. He bought me a dozen roses which cost roughly $20.00, some candy which cost maybe $10.00, and a balloon which probably cost $2.00. I totaled all of this up and it comes to $32.00. I’m not materialistic or anything, but I thought he could’ve done more considering we’ve been together for 2 years. Am I overacting? Or is he being cheap? Sincerely, Loni Valentine from Kansas City.”
HODGES: Heck, where did he get the roses for $20.00? What a deal? Nah, I don’t think your boyfriend is being cheap. Hey, were in a recession. Seriously, everybody’s broke. For instance, instead of selling double-cheeseburgers for $1.00, McDonald’s is now selling ‘McDoubles’ to cut back on cheese distribution. Hell, if Ronald McDonald’s struggling financially, we’re all in trouble. That said, your boyfriend did make an effort to buy you a variety of nice gifts for Valentine’s Day. Some women, believe it or not, didn’t receive jack for Cupid’s holiday. So, if you’re a glass half-full type person, you may want to consider yourself lucky. What’s my prescription? Be patient. Count your blessings. And let’s see what happens with the economy next year.
John Legend’s “Gimme the green light”
GIVE ME THE GREEN LIGHT: “Dear Hodges, I’m from Kenya so I’m kinda new to American culture. But here’s my situation. I met this very pretty woman a few weeks ago and I took her out on 3 dates so far, but I’m not sure if I should make a move on her or wait until she strikes first. How should I play it? Sincerely, the African Romantic representin’ Kenya.”
HODGES: Well, it’s usually uncommon for an American girl to make initial contact. So, it may be in your best interest to strike first. How? It’s simple. Just lick your lips. You know, like LL Cool J. Then whisper very softly, using your ‘Denzel Washington’ voice, these romantic words: “Baby, you got $20 I can borrow?”
Well, that concludes my work for today. If you’re in need of the best relationship advice money can’t buy; please email all questions and concerns and I’ll gladly schedule your appointment. Remember, the rate hasn’t changed. Counseling is free of charge to all “Mass Appeal” readers.
Wayne Hodges, an MBA from St. Mary University, is the Editor-in-Chief of “Mass Appeal News.” He is also a candidate for Kansas Senate District #7, an adjunct professor, and MPA at the University of Kansas. Wayne welcomes your comments at whodges@massappealnews.com
To see Madonna’s “Material Girl” video, click the play arrow.
March 28th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Wayne, you’re funny. But what’s wrong with having male friends? I find females to be kinda shady, so most of my friends are males. Men and women just have to learn to trust each other.
March 28th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Love should never be forced. Men have to learn to take their time and let things flow naturally. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.
April 4th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
I agree with Angela. If you move too quickly, it could scare us off. Real women like to take things slow at first, and let nature take its course.
April 19th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Women love men who are aggressive. Just grab the girl and give her a kiss. Have you ever heard? Nice guys finish last. Keep that in mind.
April 23rd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
SHE SAID HE’S JUST A FRIEND—
From a Lady Lynette’s point of view- I feel that if you don’t have trust, you are lost anyway. I have a few male friends from high school and I dare my man to dictate if I can have a male friend or not! He knows that I love him and will never step over the boundary of love with a friend. You men need to have a little trust. For years women have let their men have a female friend with trust. Hell, I know my man’s female friends and they know me. They don’t call my house or anything. I know that they exist; I am very comfortable about their friendship and TRUST that he knows where his bread is buttered.
HOLD UP HODGES—You of all people, know that LOVE without TRUST is a disaster. Men, give us a little bit of credit! Yes, some men do feel the first time the relationship goes sour we will run into the arms of that friend. With most of our friends we, “… been there, done that, and don’t want to go back”. That is the reason we can just say that they are our friends. Why not have trust in us good women because we trust our good men?
I’M A MATERIAL GIRL—Well first off, maybe I should tell you that you need to be thankful instead of complaining! If he didn’t get you anything, you would be crying about that. Take time and give our men some love and respect for the little things they do, because some men are not mushy men and we can’t make them be what we want them to be. You have too much time on your hands trying to count how much everything is. What did you get him for his gifts? Hell, I understand my man and know how he rolls, so I cooked him a candlelight dinner and gave him a massage for his gift. He loved it and smiled all day. He gave me a card with a $50 bill in it. I am happy, yet thankful, that money does not calculate the love for our relationship. Material shall pass away but my love will forever stand.
RIGHT ON THE NOSE HODGES- She needs to rethink about her relationship and see if it is built on money or honey.
GIVE ME THE GREEN LIGHT—Hell, you said you’ve only known her for a few weeks. Are you ready to get married or what? Slow it down Mr. Kenya. It seems like all you are counting is how many times you spent money on her. That is not important to some of us fine American women. Relax and wait to see how things go. You have not spent thirty days with this woman and you are trying to make a move. I can assure you that she doesn’t love you yet and is just enjoying herself trying to get to know you.
STOP HODGES— Are you trying to get him slapped in his mouth? First of all, I must ask, “What does making a move on her mean to you Kenya men?” If he licks his lips at me and has only known me a few weeks, I am not sure how I would take it. He might still be licking his lips 10 years from now. It might even turn me off it depends on how good it looks. All women are not the same and have different values about what she considers appropriate and inappropriate for a few weeks. You don’t want it to seem like he is jumping from the front door to the frying skillet. Take your time and be patient with her. Concentrate on learning what makes her tick and what she likes instead of making a move.
April 25th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Preach Lady Lynette, Preach!!!
April 30th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
There’s nothin’ wrong with a man buying us nice gifts to express his love. I don’t care if we’re in a recession, a real man will find a way to provide for his woman.
May 8th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
This sexy blonde loves a man that isn’t afraid to spend a little dough. I’m not a material girl, I’m just a girl that loves materials.
May 19th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Diva 2010, please don’t rush moving in together. I made that mistake once and promised to never it again. As women we always want things right away but you must move in together for the right reasons.
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Diva 2010 don’t make that man move in until yow both ready. Its not meant for everybody to live together unda the same roof. I was given an ultimatum once and it didnt work out. Give the man some space.
May 24th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Fun website. I will continue to follow.
June 5th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
A woman can live with me as long as she don’t mind cooking and cleaning. Hey its a dirty job but somebody gotta do it.
June 6th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I have been reading your articles for awhile. Nice post!!!
August 25th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
OMG! You’re hilarious. This is too funny. Count me in as a regular subscriber.