Parenting skills course 101
TO IMPROVE CHILD DEVELOPMENT, PARENTS MUST STEP UP! by that Donnie fella
LEAVENWORTH, KS – Now that school is in session, it’s a fantastic chance to begin this parenting column discussing fundamental changes we can make as parents which can have the most lasting impact. First thing I recommend to the parents I work with is to ask themselves, “What is being a better parent worth to me and my child(ren)?” Then ask, “Am I willing to make changes within myself and how I manage my children?” I am convinced that changing the behaviors of children begins with the parent and if the child is one of the lucky kids whose parents are still together, then the parents must be a cohesive team. Let me go on a rant for a second.
I see parents all the time who look for social workers to change their child. They don’t take a hard look at how they, themselves, are contributing to and reinforcing the child’s negative behaviors. Let me illustrate this point with the following story. This is true, I promise. I went into a home to talk with parents whose main complaint was that they had a four year old child who cursed like a sailor of shore leave. I was informed that this child had been recently asked to leave a day care center because of this issue. It took me about two minutes in the house to figure out what the problem was. Mom called out to the child to come say hello. I thought, to myself, “This is good. Mom is teaching the child social skills by having him greet people who come to the house.” The child called back, “No, doo doo head!” This is the point at which all of my good thoughts went bye bye. Mom became very embarrassed and yelled back to the child again, this time with a little flava on it. She said, “What the (f-bomb) did I tell you about calling me names? Now get your (backside) out here…Now!”
Needless to say, this problem does not rest directly at the feet of the child. I spent the next several sessions talking with Mom about how she was teaching this communication style to her child. Stunningly, she denied any responsibility. This mom stated several times that this is the way her mom communicated to her, so obscenities were what she knew. Over time, mom learned about filtering her language to the child and I am happy to report that I have not heard mom use inappropriate language and the child earned his way back into day care again, (although a different placement). This parent learned to change something within herself to help her child.
Some parents are so blinded by how they were raised as children, they are completely complacent with their own efforts; even when they admit they were beaten, raised by parents who suffered addictions, or worse. So parents, ask yourselves the aforementioned questions. “What is it worth to you to change? What can you change to help your child reach his or her potential?” We only have one shot at raising these children, let’s try and get it right.
Once again, send me your parenting questions or comments to albert_latuch@yahoo.com.
The following viewpoints are those of the author only and do not necessarily represent any health organizations. The information provided is also not intended to serve as therapy. If you or your loved ones are in need of mental health services, please consult a qualified mental health professional.
To see A.J. Jamal talk about parents, click the play arrow located on the video box.