Real Talk: A good woman hard to find?
FACT OR FICTION? A GOOD WOMAN IS HARD TO FIND IN KANSAS CITY. By Janice Broome
KANSAS CITY, MO – Hello to all. This is ‘Lady J’ coming at ‘cha with some ‘Real Talk.’ I have received several questions and comments from readers the past couple weeks that deserve our immediate attention. With that in mind; let’s cut through the chase and get down to the business of Q&A self-expression.
Q. I’m a single guy in my 40’s with no kids and never been married. Why is it hard to find a good woman? Most of the women I run into say I’m a nice guy but the relationship never works. They’ve even gone so far to ask me if I’m gay. What is a decent man suppose to do? Lonely
A. Well, it sounds like you’re running into the wrong women. Do you subconsciously want a bad girl but she’s too much to handle? Or, are you looking for love in all the wrong places? The cliché is “there are plenty of women but not enough men.” So let’s be honest. Are you really ready to settle down? Your being “Lonely” is optional but not necessary.
Q. What’s wrong with a woman taking care of her man? I feel if a woman makes more money she can pay the bills. The saying “men are suppose to be the head of household” is outdated. We’re in a new millennium. I feel women need to get with the program or they’ll be by themselves. What’s wrong with Changing Rolls? “Give a Man a Break”
A. First of all, you never want to mention what you’re bringing to the table. What is your woman getting out of the deal? It sounds like you’re saying; your physical presence should be enough. ‘Let’s Get Real’. Didn’t your mother teach you better than that? Seriously, did you leave the nest too soon? Your “just being there” won’t pay the bills.
You’re right. As a society, we’re into a new millennium. However, some women are not as desperate as others. Some ladies are looking for a real man who can step up to the plate and bring something to the table. If you have a woman paying your bills, I advise you to cherish her and hold on tight, because your good thing may come to a crashing end. I’m not trying to hate. I’m just keepin’ it real.
Q. Why is it when women sleep around and get paid they are called everything but a child a god? I feel if you’re not in a committed relationship, you might as well make it worth your while. I let men know what I want upfront, so there is no misunderstanding. Most men don’t give without looking for something in return. Do you feel I’m taking it too far? All About the Money.
A. Just be careful. Make sure you have a clear understanding with who you’re laying down with. Sometimes things can get out of hand. Feelings can get involved and it can get messy. You may run into a man who wants more than you’re willing to give, especially if he’s giving out his money. Keep in mind; all money is not good money. You may want to eventually retire and settle down. Trust me; one lover is definitely enough. “Just a Thought.”
Q. I am a woman who likes to be adventurous in the bedroom. However, I would like for my husband to share my enthusiasm. Please don’t get me wrong. I enjoy our time together, but I would like to add more spice to the mix. How do I go about letting him know this, without making him feel like what he’s already doing is not enough? Need More Spice.
A. Communicate to him that you want to try new things in the bedroom; and it’s nothing against him. Try reversing the role and be the aggressor in the bedroom. Do more of the pleasing and see if he will reciprocate. Hopefully, this will trigger new adventures and excitement in the bedroom. A “lively bedroom” promotes a long lasting, fiery relationship. Try it out.
Q. Why is it important to listen to your inner voice when making relationship decisions versus allowing outside opinions to dominate? Anonymous Caller
A. First of all, you have to know what you want and expect before entering into a relationship. Outside opinions are only a factor when uncertainty exists at the core. Always listen to your inner voice. And remember, your goal is not to please others. Your focus should involve pleasing yourself.
Q. How do we know when we’ve found our soul mate? Anonymous Caller
A. This involves a three-step process. 1) Since most people discover their soul mate when they least expect it, think about how you met. Was it by chance? Was there a strong connection initially? 2) How well do you communicate? And 3) take a moment to assess your true feelings. Does he or she make you feel special?
Q. Why do so many women feel like they have to give up so much of themselves to keep a man? Gtosh
A. Because some ladies are very insecure and enjoy ‘bragging’ to the world they have a man; regardless the cost. As women, we must realize the price we pay could become detrimental to our health. Is it worth it? Absolutely not.
Q. My woman loves being under me 24/7. I like our time together, but I need some “space”. How do I tell her without hurting her feelings? Help a brother out. Mr. Need My Own Space
A. Just remember this important little tip: it’s not always what you say; it’s how you say it. Communicate to her it’s not personal, but you’d like a little more space. Jokingly, tell her absence makes the heart grow fonder. Explain to her, your time together will not be jeopardized. Be sensitive and understand most women are emotional. After all, proper communication is the key for all healthy relationships.
Janice Broome, an education and psychology graduate of Avila University, is a contributor to “Mass Appeal News.” Feel free to drop the talented Lady J a line anytime at jay.lo78@sbcglobal.net.
To see Jay Z & Beyonce’s “Bonnie & Clyde” video, click the play arrow.
September 30th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Lady j, i love how you put it out there and keep it real. Nice article
September 30th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Need my own space, tell your woman to take a chill pill. You aint goin nowhere. I had the same problem with my ex and we broke up because of it. The ladies need to understand that brothas need space to breath or we’ll suffocate.
September 30th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
Ok, I believe we all deserve a little space but lets not get carried away. Too much space will HURT the relationship. the whole point of being with someone is spending time together. People dont get in relationships to feel lonely. Some space is ok but not too much.
September 30th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Jennifer, good response. i got cha back.
September 30th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
ah yeh…i see we have another new female writer…alright lady j, since we keepin it real, i have this question for Need more Spice: When wuz the last time you dressed sexy with fishnet panty hose for your husband and dropped it like its hot??? Yow always want to complain about the men, but what have you done to make him stand at attention? men want their women freaky in da bedroom and professional in da streets. it cant be the other way around
October 1st, 2009 at 6:26 pm
Ruthless lover, are you on the pipe? Good love requires great bedroom effort from both parties. What good will it do for us to dress sexy if the man has absolutely no clue what he’s doing???
October 2nd, 2009 at 7:08 pm
i cant stand a boring man in the bedroom…either you come correct or dont come at all
October 4th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
sexy ladies around the world…if you’re lookin for a little adventure in the bedroom, im your man. my touches will make your lips quiver and my kisses will make your toes curl. they dont call me loverman for nothin.
October 5th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Lady J Im feelin you girl. Some of us are going through complete hell in our relationships but we front like its all good just to say we have a man. i would rather be single and by myself than to go through hell just to be with a man.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
dude if your girl wont give u space just dump her
October 6th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Ruthless Lover,
This is “Need More Spice” and I just recently read your comment. I have done that and then some. I have greeted at the door with little to nothing on, role play, I have treated him to a strip shows where I have “dropped it like its hot”…all that! Why does it have to always fall on the woman to keep it hot and spicy? He’s getting all of this from me……why isn’t he stepping it up on his end?
October 6th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Damn, you did all dat and he still didnt react? i withdraw my statement. homeboy got some serious issues. if i had a woman do all dat fo me, i would knock her boots til the cops come knockin. its obvious yo man iz trippin babydoll. plain and simple
October 7th, 2009 at 12:29 am
“Need More Spice” if your man refuses to appreciate your many talents, I’d be glad to fill in and take his place. Role play is one of my specialties. I would also rub your feet and back everyday after work. And set you up with a nice hot bubble bath filled with rose petals. i would kiss your neck softly, sending cold chills straight down your lovely body… then i would serenade you with some of Luther Vandross’s “GREATEST HITS.” Sounds good dont it baby??? Tell your man if he doesnt shape up, all of this will happen real soon.
October 7th, 2009 at 1:22 am
KC Freak, NEED MORE SPICE already has a man. i am single and sexy. So you can do all those nasty freaky things to me. LOL
October 7th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Man yall makin a big deal outta nothin…i have one simple message for the ladies out there: if you want your man to make love to you, just buy him a six-pack and a box of trojans
October 10th, 2009 at 10:29 am
i believe relationships require an equal amount of GIVE & TAKE by the man and woman. if you have one person doing everything possible to keep the sex spicy and the other person is doing nothing eventually the relationship will fail.
October 12th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
yeh, dis iz my favorite night-time blog…yall got it goin on…mass appeal is da s***
October 13th, 2009 at 2:00 am
which one of u sexy ladies wanna come out and play tonight????????
October 15th, 2009 at 12:05 am
if u don’t want no stress in your life
make a fat girl your wife
October 16th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
i love women with meat on dey bones…it provides more cushion for da pushin
October 19th, 2009 at 12:34 am
i am so depressed
women will not talk to me
i got rid of my glasses for contacts
but its not doin me no good
i havent had a girlfriend in 6 yrs
whats wrong with me
i need help
my best yrs are fadin away
October 20th, 2009 at 8:38 am
Hello everyone, sorry for dropping off the planet but I have been still dealing with my eye issues and family. I am back and still focusing on publishing A Nightmare on 32nd Street (Domestic Violence Book). I see that the conversations are living on. I miss reading the problems and views of our everyday life.
Mr.Weirdo,
Like most people who try to hard to please people, you loose who you are. Calm down and focus on loving yourself. Just like men can spot a depressed and lonely woman, we can to. You have to start loving yourself and the hell with the people in your circle. Join a circle of positive men and chill. Maybe a church circle for a minute and relax. God took me away from my circle so I could concentrate on loving myself. Now I’m better and I realize what my purpose in life is. Take care and focus on yourself. Don’t keep doing things to tey to please people because they will always want you to change more of you as they stay the same.
Lady Lynette
October 20th, 2009 at 9:31 am
Lady Lynette, I thought you were missing. I checked the back of every milk carton I could find, but I didn’t see your face. LOL. Please let me know the release date of your book. I can’t wait to read it.
Oh, and my advice to Weirdo is this: Man up!
October 24th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Weirdo i would date you. do you have a job with some benefits???
October 27th, 2009 at 1:16 am
lady j i love your work…i am a big fan of your blog…keepin it real is the only way to go as far as i’m concerned…i prefer to just cut through the bull*** and get down to business
October 28th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
dude, how you gone be 40 years old and cant get a date? man you must be buggin. women outnumber men 2 to 1 so you must have some serious flaws in your game. my advice is to get a haircut and brush your teeth cause your hygiene must be foul.
October 31st, 2009 at 9:54 am
KC Freak, your comments are very cruel and insensitive. Not everybody has the confidence to go out and meet someone. Even people with confidence have a hard time finding that special someone. It doesnt matter if you are 40 years old or 20, true love is very hard to find.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:52 am
i believe women should pay for dates if they makin the most money…ladies of today dont want no Big Mac. they want lobster and steak but dat stuff aint cheap. ladies i know yall want the man to wine and dine ya but dis iz da new millenium. so yall need to start comin out da pocket and help pay fo some of these meals.
November 6th, 2009 at 10:54 am
Lady J, you r very good with the Q & A’s. Keep up the good work. I’m impressed.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:40 am
I am not gonna pay a grown man’s bills. If he can’t pay his own expenses, what can he do for me? I have a job, a car, and a house that i pay for. I am independent and lovin it.
November 10th, 2009 at 2:28 am
Question: What do they call a woman that gets paid for sex?
Answer: Prostitute (or hooker)
‘All About the Money’ you may wanna keep that in mind.
November 14th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
if rappers can get paid for poisoning the minds of young black kids why cant a woman get paid for sex??
November 17th, 2009 at 12:04 am
Sex should never be for sale. A woman’s love is priceless. There are other ways to make money and its called “FINDING A JOB!” All about the money, dont give a man somethin he dont deserve just to make a couple dollars. As women we are more valuable than that.
November 24th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
lady j yuu got it goinn on . always keepin it real for all the ladies out there & standing up for what you believe in ! KEEP THE ARITCLES COMING LADY J ! wayne , she’s a keeper .
November 27th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
i think all women should get paid for sex
that’s how i make my money…i say legalize prostitution
December 9th, 2009 at 5:04 am
love your column…very entertaining
January 1st, 2010 at 9:27 am
once again another great Q&A. i love your work lady j. Real Talk is very real
January 5th, 2010 at 11:41 pm
good blog…..bookmarked