Soul Sis: Love or Lust?
IS IT LOVE OR LUST? TO WORK, WE MUST GET BACK TO THE BASICS. By Nicole Vanderberg
RAYTOWN, MO – What’s going on in the relationship world today? Over 60% of the American population is single. And the divorce rate continues to hold steady at a rather unimpressive 50%. Recently, Nicole Vanderberg (a.k.a. Super Soul Sis) took time to discuss some of the struggles men and women face with Mass Appeal editor Wayne Hodges. Their Q&A went as follows:
HODGES: Nicole, according to University of Pittsburgh professor Rebecca C. Thurston, lonely women are 80% more likely to suffer from heart disease. Taking into consideration over 60% of Americans are single, should women consider lowering their dating standards to avoid loneliness?
SOUL SIS: No, I don’t think we need to lower our standards if we have realistic ones. Sometimes women are looking for men to be perfect; which is not realistic. I think more women should look inside the heart to determine whether or not we’re being treated fairly. Money isn’t everything. If he’s working hard and giving a great effort that should count for something.
HODGES: In a day and age when women are making more money than ever before, should men still be considered the “Head of Household” regardless of who earns more income?
SOUL SIS: Yes, I think men should be head of the household regardless of who makes the most money. Men, by nature, are supposed to be our protectors. Hopefully, more guys will step up and prove they can handle it.
HODGES: With the start of the NFL season underway, is it fair for women to nag their men on “Game Day?”
SOUL SIS: No, we shouldn’t. It’s not fair. There are other activities we can participate in while our “Sports Nut” men are watching the games. Don’t get me wrong; men should still make a decent effort to spend time with us when the games are not on to avoid any neglect. But, as long as men are taking care of business at home, I don’t have a problem with it.
HODGES: Is it really possible for attractive women to have male friends without leading them on in some form or fashion?
SOUL SIS: Yes, I believe it’s possible if there’s a clear understanding from the get-go that both parties will remain friends, and friends only. So, if a man tries to step out of line by making sexual advances, performing uncomfortable touches or kisses, it’s the woman’s job to put him in his place. That being said, if he’s a true friend, nothing of this nature should occur. It’s all about R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
HODGES: After a woman meets her “Knight in Shining Armor,” how long should she wait before giving out her heart and/or body?
SOUL SIS: Personally, I don’t believe in sex on the first date. But, it’s certainly difficult to place a timeline on something as complicated as love. The most important thing, in my opinion, is building a spiritual connection with the person you’re interested in. Initially, the physical connection is not as important. People must take time to date and get to know each other. Becoming intimate too soon can lead to a variety of problems ranging from un-planned childbirths to sexually transmitted diseases. As a society, we should just slow down, and learn to love from the interior-out versus the exterior-in. If we follow this regimen, good things are certain to follow.
HODGES: It has come to my attention many successful, attractive, single women are frustrated with the overall quality and caliber of the men they attract. In other words, instead of catching the eye of guys who have their stuff together, too many women are being approached by what many in society would consider to be losers. Is this type of problem unavoidable? If so, how do women deal with it?
SOUL SIS: Well, I don’t believe this type of situation is unavoidable. But I have noticed more and more men are looking for a woman to financially support them. Why? There are so many reasons. For instance, some men have developed a “needy” mindset because they have been spoiled in the past by their mothers. I’ve also noticed that many of these types of men don’t have a problem approaching successful, attractive women. I guess they feel there’s really nothing to lose. So, why not give it a shot? But, these are the guys we have to watch out for. Some men see a woman with a decent job and a nice home and start thinking “jackpot!” And the ones that do move in with their woman show very little, if any, appreciation.
HODGES: Are too many women looking past the nerds and geeks to seek relationships with the flashy, hardcore, rough-neck guys?
SOUL SIS: Yes, I’m afraid some women are looking for a ‘bad boy’ to be with. But I’m not included. I love nerds. However, some ladies enjoy ‘rough necks’ because they’re unpredictable. And, in some instances, more exciting to be with. Is it fair? Probably not. But, unfortunately, that’s just the way it is.
HODGES: Do you believe too many men are intimidated by smart, attractive, successful women?
SOUL SIS: Yes, I do. However, it should be noted; controlling men tend to be the worst because, in most cases, they are unsure of themselves and very insecure. On top of that, you also have a group of men who believe smart women require more work to be with. And that’s simply not true. All we want is love and trust.
HODGES: Do you believe there’s a shortage of eligible bachelors in the dating world today?
SOUL SIS: Absolutely! There’s a major shortage of men for various reasons. Some men are in jail, or hooked on drugs, or married, or involved in serious relationships. The big challenge, however, is finding a spiritual man, with goals and ambitions, who will treat us right. Even though the dating scene is grim right now, women have to remain optimistic, and pray for good things to happen.
Nicole Vanderberg is the relationship liaison for “Mass Appeal News.” To reach the ‘Super Soul Sis,’ please send her an email at bailnu801@yahoo.com
To see Sean Paul’s “I’m still in love” video, click the play arrow.
June 5th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Nice interview. As women continue to advance in the job market, i do believe men become more intimidated. You both did a great job of bringing awareness to this issue because its becoming more and more common.
June 5th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Wait a minute…real men ain’t intimidated. Yow talkin about dem softies. I come correct with mine at all times. I love my women strong and independent…but sometimes yow take it too far and start puttin men down when yow have a little money. I agree…alot of these chumps are boys pretendin to be men. But the women need to cut us a break.
June 5th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Mr. Lover, i disagree. I don’t think women are purposely trying to make men feel inferior. Its just that some women, and i can’t speak for all of us, work hard for the things we have. And we want a man that appreciates what we have to offer. Not someone who’s gonna cheat on us and mistreat us.
June 6th, 2009 at 9:54 am
I think the problem is too many men are pampered by their mothers and unprepared for the struggles and sacrifices necessary to make a relationship work. I’ve dated two men in the past and both lived with their mothers and they’re over 30 years old. They wanted me to take care of them and pamper them like their mothers, and it wasn’t happenin. Men need to step up and be the head of household.
June 8th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Celeste, I agree with you. Too many men are lookin for somebody to take care of them. it would be nice to have a man wine and dine us every now and then. chivalry needs to come back.
June 9th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Great post…always good to see a new perspective.
June 11th, 2009 at 12:18 am
its over my head???????
June 14th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Chivalry is not dead…its just that some women don’t conduct themselves in a manner that warrants classy treatment. Men don’t have a problem treating their lady like a queen if she deserves it…the problem is too many women come off as undeserving then get mad when we don’t put them on a pedestal.
June 21st, 2009 at 9:32 am
Cypher, you should always treat your lady like a queen. If she doesn’t deserve it, you shouldn’t be with her in the first place.
June 26th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
White Chic is right…always treat your lady like she’s special and she’ll follow your lead. Men are supposed to be the leaders and head of household. Whatever happened to that?
July 5th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Will the ‘real men’ of the world please step up and claim what’s righteously yours??? We NEED you!!!
July 15th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Super soul sis…i like how you express yourself. You got a man???
July 22nd, 2009 at 2:44 am
I would like to drink your bath water…with a straw
July 28th, 2009 at 6:54 am
Like your blog…fun and creative…will become regular subscriber
August 5th, 2009 at 1:57 am
This website has the best lookin female writers known to man. Nicole stay hot baby!!!
August 9th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Very well said nicole. Your answers are insightful and flat out true. It’s all about RESPECT
August 9th, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Purple Haze I wuz thinkin the exact same thing. The female writers on this blog are beautiful. I normally dont like to read but with writers this fine I decided to change my reading habits.
August 10th, 2009 at 1:24 am
Fun read with good content. For more relationship advice visit: http://www.selfgrowth.com
August 10th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
I see there’s a new lady on the block and she’s a cutie too. Nicole we just like to have a little fun with the female writers on this blog cause yow look so damn good. this is my favorite website without question. I feel at home here. But I would rather be at home snuggled up with you. ya feel me
August 11th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Wayne, thanks for telling me about this blog. You have alot of good stuff on here. I like it.
August 13th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
I need a real man. I’m tired of pretenders. I need somebody who’s gonna be there. I’m tired of being alone. I can’t seem to find the right love. But as soon as I do, I’m gonna make some man very, very happy.
August 17th, 2009 at 1:35 am
Cutie Pie, sounds like what you need iz a man like me. Why be with a pretender when you can be with a contender, see what I’m sayin??? I would treat you right and never leave you alone by yourself. I would cook for you and rub your feet after work. Then I would set you up with a warm, rose petal, bubble bath as we listen to Luther Vandross’s Greatest Hits. How does all of this sound baby?
August 20th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
KC Freak, I’ve read some of your responses…you’re HILARIOUS!!!
August 21st, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Excellent interview!! Your comments are true & to the point. Fellas take heed to what she is saying. Relationships are hard work wether you are dating or married.
August 23rd, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Honeybee, I see whatcha sayin…but the ladies need to let up a little bit…and give us a chance. Rome wasnt built in a day.
August 23rd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
No, Rome wasn’t built in a day but Adam & Eve were. So it shouldn’t take men and women long to put out a loving effort to make relationships work. I am seeking marriage but I’m having a hard time finding a good man. Hopefully i can find someone who is willing to put in the time to make our love grow.
August 29th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
For relationships to work we must stop being selfish and learn to work together as a team. It takes two…not one or none.
September 2nd, 2009 at 4:52 pm
If women quit naggin so much relationships would run much smoother. LOL
September 6th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Thanks for the info. i was just thinking about this
September 7th, 2009 at 1:50 am
Soul Sis i don’t know if anybody told you dis but you have the prettiest brown eyes i have ever seen. Its like they’r callin my name. You got me mesmerized and hypnotized by yo beauty. i know its late at night but dats how i feel.
September 9th, 2009 at 3:24 am
The ladies won’t talk to me. Do you think there’s anyone out there who will?
September 14th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Weirdo, sounds like you need a little confidence. Without it you won’t get a date. We LOVE men who are SURE of themselves.
September 15th, 2009 at 3:51 am
Am i the only fool awake???
September 15th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
At 3 in the morning??? Of course you are the only fool awake. You better go to sleep man. LOL
September 20th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Somebody make love to me
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Ok, just say when and where baby. We can make sweet love all night long…either your place or mine. just don’t mess up my silk sheets
September 27th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Loverman you so nasty
September 30th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Sorry babydoll…i don’t do feet…only breasts and thighs…just call me the kernel
October 5th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
i disagree R.L., i do anything as long as the babe is smokin hot. Aint no shame in my game.
October 7th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Soul Sis answer dis question: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
October 12th, 2009 at 12:19 am
i want a woman that will give me 24-hour sex then pay my bills
October 13th, 2009 at 12:26 am
yall wont believe dis but
i fell in love witha strippa
babygirl broke me off a few lap dances
and i wuz hooked
October 20th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Supa Soul Sis i love your blog. You have a subscriber. Keep up the GOOD WORK!