Single mothers, keep your heads up!
EDITOR’S COMMENTARY
IN A NATION OF SINGLE MOTHERS, FATHERS MUST STEP UP AND PERFORM by Wayne Hodges
“Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody. I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat…we must find each other.” – Mother Theresa
MISSION, Kan – The passage listed above, quoted by one of nature’s finest, Mother Theresa, basically sums up our nation’s growing epidemic of single-parent homes; more specifically young mothers. And boy, the statistics don’t lie. Let me break it down for ya. According to the Single Parent Center, there are roughly 14 million single parents in the U.S. today; responsible for raising approximately 21.6 million of our nation’s children. Unbelievable! And the correlation between one-parent homes and financial despair is even direr with 27.7% of custodial single mothers living in poverty.
Before I proceed, the intent of this column is not to cast a vote of judgment against anyone. Instead, I’d just prefer to relay the following personal message to the young mothers and fathers of our community: OUR CHILDREN NEED YOU! Let me repeat that. OUR CHILDREN NEED YOU! I understand this statement is probably a tad bit redundant. But, who cares? When the issue of family structure and child development comes into question, anything is worth repeating twice. And the young men and women of our community, quite frankly, must come to understand its importance.
There’s no question the moral values of today’s youth is oddly different than the “Brady Bunch” days of 40 years ago. For this, I point the exclusive finger of blame at parents, MTV, BET and VH1 for their careless, irresponsible contributions. First, let’s start with television. In an effort to boost ratings, the aforementioned networks have made a sick hobby of portraying women as a lean piece of red meat. Does the show “Flava of Love” ring a bell? Even worse, too many boys have bought into the hype of becoming a “big-time playa” and all the phony, silly behavior that comes with it.
To speak from personal experience, I, like many of you, also grew up in a fatherless environment. My mother raised me, my brother and sister on one income; while pursuing a college degree. Even though “Big Momma” did one hell of a job, the atmosphere was far from stress free. After all, the daunting task of trying to ‘make ends meet’ with moderate income is bound to wear a person down sooner or later, right? But, here’s where the trouble begins; particularly in the case of young men. To escape poverty, some boys feel pressured into becoming the “man” their father never was; thus causing them to implement “quick money” tactics as a means to support the home.
Of course, as we all know, quick money is usually dirty money; which often leads to a 6′ X 8′ concrete block cell with iron bars and a stinking toilet. Not convinced? Let peek at some more statistics. The Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center (SPARC) reports 85% of youths in prison grew up in fatherless homes. Other studies have shown fatherless children to be routine victims of poor mental health, unsatisfactory educational performance, and drug/alcohol abuse.
Single mothers have become a growing epidemic
Speaking of fathers, although today’s feature is single mothers, I’d like to shift some attention to dead-beat daddies for just a moment. Gentlemen, this is ridiculous. And the madness has to stop. Children don’t ask to be here. As fathers, we help bring them to existence. Therefore, it’s our responsibility to maintain some form of an active role in our kids’ lives; regardless how bad the conditions. This includes stressed relationships with the biological mother, weak finances, substandard education, etc.
Apologies are not good enough. And the excuses, to be candid, have grown old and tired. As a byproduct of our laziness, too many children have suffered. So, my plea to the male masses is such: STOP LEAVING THESE WOMEN ALONE TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN! Look, I’m a proud father. And, believe me, there’s absolutely nothing soft about parenthood. Our children deserve so much better than what we’re dishing out. Let’s buck the trend today, and start giving more. We owe that to them.
OK, I’m done venting. Back to the ladies. In an effort to discourage young women from making poor economic decisions, organizations such as the Women’s Resource Center (WRC) in Kansas City have set up a variety of educational workshops that cover: homeownership, child development, finance, building self-esteem, budgeting, college prep, etc. Speaking of self-esteem, the Director of the WRC, Charlzetta Hall, believes the spark to women’s growth is confidence. “Too many women are desperate to have a man, and it impedes their progress,” said Hall. “The primary goal of the WRC is to help these ladies understand their inner-beauty first, then everything else will fall into place.”
Hey, what’s that verse sung by Webbie? “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that means? She got her own house. She got her own car. Two jobs, work hard…” Charlzetta, I applaud your effort. And, KUDOS for a job well done. As for the wonderful single mothers that grace our nation? The late 2Pac Shakur said it best: “Even though you’re fed up, huh, you gotta keep your head up.”
Wayne Hodges, an MBA from St. Mary University, is the Editor-in-Chief of “Mass Appeal News.” He is a candidate for Johnson County PCT Committeeman, an adjunct professor, and legislative intern with the Kansas Senate. Wayne welcomes your comments at whodges@massappealnews.com
To see 2Pac’s “Keep ya head up” video, click the play arrow.
May 14th, 2009 at 10:23 pm
This is a brilliant article. I am a single mother and I understand the challenges and struggles that we go through. Wayne, I applaud you for calling out ‘dead beat dads’ and tellin it like it is. I’ve already told several of my family and friends to follow your blog. And they love you also. You rock man!
May 14th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Hodge, I represent all the babies daddys when I say I provide for my kids. Ain’t no excuses. You bring em here better take car of em its as simple as dat.
May 15th, 2009 at 5:46 am
Nice article! Lots of good research and info. Society must realize parenting really is a two-person job.
May 15th, 2009 at 6:04 am
Wayne, this is my favorite article of yours. You touched on some excellent points. I understand some fathers are experiencing hard times, but they need to understand that it is twice as hard for a single mother. And no matter what they should never abandon the children. GOOD JOB WAYNE!
May 15th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
The problem is alot of these boys learn how to become men by watchin these thugs on the street. I grew up in a house without a daddy to and I had to learn manhood from my mother’s boyfriend. Im just glad he was a good dude or ain’t no tellin when I would be today.
May 15th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!!! It is so refreshing to see somebody tell the truth about this subject especially from a man. If more fathers were involve it would make a world of diference with these kids.
May 16th, 2009 at 6:25 am
“Papa was a rollin stone…wherever he laid his hat was his home…and when he died, all he ever left us was alone.”
May 16th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Great article Wayne!
May 17th, 2009 at 9:16 am
If you dead beats don’t want these fine, single mothers I’ll take ‘em off your hands.
May 20th, 2009 at 6:52 am
Nice article Wayne!
May 21st, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Great article! But the statistics are pretty scary.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:00 am
Yeah, the stats don’t look too good right now. And, as more men continue to go to prison, we can expect the numbers to get even worse.
May 30th, 2009 at 6:33 am
BEAUTIFUL ARTICLE!!! There’s nothin wrong with being I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. As women we have to do what we gotta do.
June 5th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Time to step up to the plate and perform. It’s as simple as that.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:49 am
IF YOU MAN ENOUGH TO LAY DOWN AND MAKE A KID…YOU BETTER BE MAN ENOUGH TO HANDLE YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES…WORD UP
July 15th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
The coolest blog just got cooler…love your work Mr. Hodges
August 25th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Mama’s baby…Daddy’s maybe?
August 29th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Great article Wayne! Keep up the good work!
September 6th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
Well researched and well written. Good job Mr. Hodges. Every young man should see this article.
September 9th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Beautiful article. You’re awesome Wayne!
September 13th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Great work
October 13th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
i just want to say thanks for this.
i agreed with every word
GREAT JOB MR. HODGES!!!