Love Chronicles: Truth about lies!
Dana Carroll, Sex & Relationships
TO AVOID CONFLICT, IS IT EASIER JUST TO LIE SOMETIMES? by Dana Carroll
KANSAS CITY – The truth about lies, everyone tells them and they always come to light. Is there ever an appropriate time to lie? Yes. But you have to be prepared for your lie to come back and bite you. You also have to make sure you have the energy to keep up with the lie and fully understand the possibility of having to tell additional lies. Often times when you are in a relationship the thing that brings about lying is jealousy. If you fear that your partner will be jealous of something you’ve done you may choose to leave certain details out that are not vital to the story.
For example if you go out with your girl friends and a guy approaches you. He buys you drinks all night and tells you how beautiful you are and asks you for your number, when you get home you will probably leave the part about the guy coming on to you out when you recap the night for your boyfriend. Why? Because you don’t have the energy to answer all of your boyfriend’s questions about what the guy look like, why did you talk to him for so long, why would he keep buying you drinks if you weren’t reciprocating his flirting? The questions go on and on. It just seems easier to not even broach the subject.
Is it easier to tell a lie to avoid conflict?
So how do you avoid lying in your relationship? It is not a certainty that you will be able to but there are some things you can do to lessen the likeliness of it. First you must pay attention to how you react to what your partner tells you. If you fly off the handle every time he tells you about a girl that likes him or a friend of his that wanted to become more, he will stop telling you things that he knows will upset you. Never let him know you are jealous. It isn’t an attractive feature to have. No one wants to have to deal with someone being jealous all the time. Never call him a liar. People in general do not appreciate being called a liar even if they are.
If you feel that you have caught him in a lie try to get him to admit what he has done. It should be easy enough considering most of the time someone that lies has lied so much they will eventually struggle with keeping their untruths together. And lastly always be honest. If you are doing your part to keep lies out of your relationship your partner may appreciate this about you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. If not, then it’s time to move on. If you are having trouble letting go of someone that doesn’t deserve you please see my article, “The best way to get over someone is to get someone new.”
Dana Carroll, the Kansas City Sex and Relationships Examiner, is the “Real Love” columnist for Mass Appeal News. She is also an actress and model. View this article, and others, on the Examiner by clicking here. Dana welcomes your comments at dcarroll@massappealnews.com. For a peek at her movie clips, click here.
To view Mariah Carey’s “Say Something” video, click the arrow.
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:16 pm
Dana nice article! My experiences tell me all men lie. I am looking for Mr. Right. You know, somebody who will actually tell the truth and remain monogamous. But I haven’t been lucky. I know he’s out there somewhere. Maybe I am looking for love in all the wrong places.
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:56 pm
men lie cause yow ladies cant handle the truth…point plankin
January 25th, 2010 at 1:13 am
Dana Dana Dana…if you wuz my girl i would never lie. Baby u look so good what man in his right mind would betray your trust??? U got a new fan of your blog. KC Freak has fallen in love. Tell me, are your feet tired??? Cause you been runnin thru my mind all day. LOL
January 25th, 2010 at 9:40 am
I dont normally approve of lying but some men are so jealous and controlling we dont have a choice. I believe everybody lies but some more than others. As long as the lies are not big ones I guess its ok.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:34 pm
ladies what would yall rather hear?? a beautiful lie or the ugly truth????
January 25th, 2010 at 2:42 pm
That is the problem with relationships today. People dont want to be honest. Lying is inappropriate at all times.Telling a lie to protect someone’s feelings does not make it right.
January 25th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
i lie all the time and i get all the women i want. why should i tell the truth and f*** up my game????? i tell a woman what she wanna hear and i get by.
January 25th, 2010 at 6:39 pm
Just want to say I enjoy your writing style and the topics you talk about.
January 26th, 2010 at 12:15 am
this blog has the most beautiful female writers bar none…I have to agree with Patterson on telling the truth. Trust is important for any good relationship. Love based on lies is not real love.
January 26th, 2010 at 1:16 pm
Loverman I can tell you are a good man. I agree with you word for word.
January 26th, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Did my teen-ager from high-school write this article?!?! Come on Mass Appeal,…where are you getting these writers?!?!? You have set such a great precedence with your publication with writers such as Lady J and others who offer an intelligent perspective on issues…and to include such writers as this is somewhat of a dissapointment. In the future, when selecting writers to offer their viewpoint on topics, please make sure they have both the credentials and writing knowledge to offer more of an intelligent way of communicating an issue.
January 26th, 2010 at 7:35 pm
marie how you gone diss my future ex-wife??? Dana is the finest woman i have ever seen. Just her smile alone will have the Lover comin back. Dana gots much Mass Appeal and i can read her stories all day long. Baby D, go on and do ya thang wit yo fine self. let the haters continue to hate
January 26th, 2010 at 11:54 pm
What does looks have to do with responsible writing? I agree with Marie. I find it hard to believe a journalist on this type of publication would condone lying just to avoid an argument. Thats absurd! Where did Dana get her training and experience to write this type of nonsense???
January 28th, 2010 at 10:42 am
good article! lots of interesting points. bookmarked your blog
January 28th, 2010 at 5:18 pm
dana gotta agree with my boy Ruthless Lover. dont worry about the haters out there. U are fine as hell and you can write like Maya Angelou. mass appeal has a bunch of beautiful female writers but nobody can touch you baby.hell you should be on the cover of vogue magazine. ya feel me??? i know you are new and all but Im already a big fan. stay pretty and keep pumpin tha articles!!!
January 28th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Dana I completely agree with your article! I dont think it is ever good to lie, but sometimes telling half-truths will prevent fights and arguments. Especially with insecure and jealous men. Why go through the headache of getting bombarded with questions when you can just leave out a few details and keep everybody happy???
January 29th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
If it takes a lie to pacify a person, you don’t need them. Trust and honesty are the foundation of any good relationship.
February 1st, 2010 at 7:32 pm
i will lie if it will keep the peace
February 9th, 2010 at 11:23 am
A lie is a lie is a lie; the truth is the truth is the truth, but leaving out pertinent details, well that’sjust peace baby!
February 15th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
I gotta agree with the Speaker…do whatcha gotta do to keep the peace