Love Chronicles: Making it Work
Dana Carroll, Sex & Relationships
WHEN TO KNOW IF A RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH SAVING, by Dana Carroll
KANSAS CITY – Is there a difference in making it work and forcing it to work? How do you know if your relationship is worth saving? You argue all the time. Fussing and fighting is as common as eating breakfast every day. Then you have great makeup sex and you are right back to not getting along . It’s like fire and ice. All of your friends are telling you to leave him but something inside of you can’t bear the thought of living without him. You’d rather fight with him than be happy with someone else.
Is this healthy? Is it normal? How many couples are going through the same thing you are? Pure bliss in a relationship is not likely. The truth is the longer you are with someone, the easier it gets to fight with them. You learn the things you don’t like about them and a lot of the time it’s the same things that were cute in the beginning. It’s about being comfortable; comfortable enough to nitpick about every little thing you don’t like. Comfortable means you don’t try as hard to make that person happy and they probably do not try as hard to keep you happy.
Comfortable in a relationship is like kryptonite. However you could be arguing all the time for another reason. If you have two passionate people trying to be in a relationship together then sparks are likely to fly. This type of arguing to some is not that bad. It’s almost an aphrodisiac. So should you stay together? Making it work is a lot like cultivating a garden. At first it doesn’t appear to be much just some dirt, but with a little water and sunlight the flowers begin to bloom the vegetables start to ripen and you have this beautiful thing you’ve created.
Constant arguing is hard on a relationship
However, you can’t live solely for the future just as you can’t live in the past. You have to learn to live in the right now. You can see your future with this person but what is life like right now with them? Do they make you happy more than they make you sad and angry? When you first started your relationship you probably were not planning to have as many rough patches but that is life. Only you know how much of your life you want to spend being unhappy.
Local KC artist Mike James Jr. calls this situation a Catch 22 in his latest song. When you think about it; it makes a lot of sense that the person you care the most about is also the person that can make you the maddest. Your feelings for them are in overdrive and sometimes that can be both a good and bad thing. Mike’s song speaks to this situation perfectly.
Dana Carroll, the Kansas City Sex and Relationships Examiner, is the “Real Love” columnist for Mass Appeal News. She is also an actress and model. View this article, and others, on the Examiner by clicking here. Dana welcomes your comments at dcarroll@massappealnews.com. For a peek at her movie clips, click here.
To view Fantasia’s “Free Yourself” video, click the play arrow.
May 28th, 2010 at 11:07 am
fightin is good — no pain no gain
June 7th, 2010 at 11:44 am
baby d lets get 2-geta and make it work– let yo actions speak louda dan words. LOL