Bobbie: Love Standards
SETTING REALISTIC STANDARDS ARE THE KEY TO ESTABLISHING REAL LOVE. By Bobbie Jones
KANSAS CITY, Mo – When it comes to dating and relationships, the question that seems to linger on the minds of many is “Do they meet my standards?” In the words of Malcolm X “If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.”
The same is true for relationships, because if you do not have a standard set for what you look for in a mate you will find yourself settling for whatever is convenient. This leads to disappointment, because you get exactly what you ask for. So if you ask for nothing, you will receive nothing.
One day I was visiting with a friend when she received a phone call from a young man. He must have asked her out, because at that moment she hit him with the biggest checklist alive. “Do you have a job? Do you have any kids? Do you have a car? Do you have your own place?”
I wasn’t the least bit surprised.
These types of questions need to be asked so you don’t find yourself disappointed and hurt when your mate doesn’t meet your standards. Many of us find ourselves emotionally investing in an individual in the hopes of “changing” them and find ourselves alone when we have to let them go. I have learned that the only way a person will change is when he or she is ready.
Set reachable goals. You have to crawl before you can walk. Look to find someone that can be compatible with you and see how things progress. It’s great to aim high but be smart about it. In order to attract the best, you have to be the best…
Don’t pay attention to the package. When you first meet someone it’s easy to see outward appearance. It takes time to see past the looks and get to know what is on the inside. All that glitters is not gold. And the beautiful person you see on the outside may be ugly on the inside. Don’t let looks be the only factor.
Be Courageous. Don’t be so afraid of rejection that you are standoffish. There is nothing worse than wanting to talk to someone you are attracted to and getting a terrible attitude in return or chickening-out because you are nervous. Communicate!
The key to finding true love is setting reasonable standards
Trust your intuition. Not only is intuition a powerful tool, but it will save you from restraining orders and unnecessary heartache. Don’t be so eager to fall in love that you overlook obvious things like violent or stalker tendencies. If your mind says RUN, get on the good foot!
Don’t be discouraged if “The One” doesn’t come knocking at your door right when you expect. Because anything worth having takes time to develop. Keeping your word to yourself is the first step. Then you can be justified in giving it to some one else. Stress can be avoided by using discretion in the kind of relationships you involve yourself in. It is said that “love is blind.” However, establishing guidelines are usually key in discovering everlasting love.
If these items pertain to you, print them off, put them on your refrigerator, and stick to them.
Bobbie Jones is a journalist for the Examiner and ‘The Advocate News’ in Kansas City, Kansas. She also enjoys writing on green living, and she practices a green lifestyle. Bobbie is very excited to share her views on green events in her community. Miss Jones is currently an undergraduate student at Kansas City Kansas Community College. She welcomes your comments at missbjones90@gmail.com
June 29th, 2011 at 12:24 am
This article was right about a few things. Women (generally speaking) are biologically wired to find a mate who is going to stick around and be a good father (or baby daddy) or somebody who provides financial security. Unless they are coo-coo, women generally don’t go for just sex.
Men on the other hand are all about sex
June 29th, 2011 at 12:25 am
I agree that women should have some sort of standards, but not as high as you turning every guy down, that doesn’t meet your standards. You’ll lose out that way
June 29th, 2011 at 12:28 am
as african american women we are always settling for less. And when you settle for less you get a mess. there is nothing wrong with raising standards and challenging our men to step up their game and meet us half-way
June 29th, 2011 at 12:29 am
I agree a woman should have standards, but those standards should not cause a woman to be stuck up either. In realationships there are always going to be give and takes..the secret to having a successful relationship past the “honeymoon” stage is compromise. Ask any couple that has been married for years. I went thru a phase, like many women, where I based everything on looks and money alone..that pretty boy phase, I can’t tell you how many times that backfired on me. Man am I glad that with age comes wisdom. I am now in my late 30’s and very happy with the man I’m with..while he’s not the pretty boy type, he is cute, but more importantly he treats me like a queen and equal partner. He allows me, to be me, he’s a hard worker and God fearing..what more could a girl ask for.
June 29th, 2011 at 12:33 am
i love chickenheads wit high standards — if a woman dont give a flip about who she dates why should i respect her? women with low standards are called ‘HOOKERS’
i only ask dat my chickenhead be pro-fessionel in public and nasty under da sheets
June 29th, 2011 at 7:03 pm
Hey Bobbie i like your point of view on this matter, you sound like someone i’d like to date, are you single? are you available for a latin broder? do you do the multicultural dating?
June 30th, 2011 at 10:34 pm
damn Latinsoulbroder are you hard up for a date? mass appeal has some fine azz writers but real playaz dont need to beg 4 a date. Better go to SWAG SCHOOL homeboy.
July 1st, 2011 at 3:08 pm
Nice article. I learned my lesson. I gave 2 years to a complete LOSER and I regret it. I will never lower my standards again.
July 3rd, 2011 at 1:08 am
Bobbie J, dont listen to dem marks.
THE MAC iz the right man 4 u.
You look so good i will give up all my hoodrats and make u my one and only lady.
July 5th, 2011 at 12:18 am
@The Mac: SMH
August 10th, 2011 at 1:41 pm
I’m pleased to know that you all enjoyed the article, Check out the site this evening for a follow up piece about dating as well.