Dana Carroll, Sex & Relationships

DO YOU HAVE TO SAY “YES” TO A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL? by Dana Carroll

KANSAS CITY – If someone gets down on one knee, hands you a diamond ring and asks you, “Will you marry me?” Do you have to say yes? Surprisingly a lot of people say you do. It is the fear of losing the person you are with that persuades you to agree to get married, arguably one of, if not the most important decision of your life. An engagement should be a happy time right? The trend of being in a relationship with someone for years has led to some unhappily engaged couples.

So the question remains how do you say no to someone you love so much? Some people might wonder why you wouldn’t want to marry someone you’ve been with for so long and there are several reasons. You might not feel your boyfriend is in the right financial position to be a husband. Or you are just not ready to make that final commitment. Any reason you have for not wanting to get married is your reason and no one else has to understand it. It is in that moment when he is kneeling before you with his hand extended holding a shiny diamond ring that you have to make the decision to be honest.

Marriage proposals can be stressful and full of pressure

If you can’t be honest with your boyfriend and tell him no then, you are definitely not ready to be married. Marriage is about honesty and trust and any marriage that begins with a lie will not last happily. Marriage is something that a lot of people seem to take very lightly. Both people in a relationship need to be on the same page. Most people want a proposal to be a surprise, not something that is expected. However there are ways to know if the person you are with wants to be married without coming out and asking.

If you notice your significant other all of a sudden starts talking about a future with you, kids, buying a house, these are all signs that he is moving in the direction of having you walk down the aisle. Make it very clear to the person you are with that you are not ready. Do not be afraid if they threaten to leave. Marriage is too much of a commitment to be bullied or ultimatumed into it. Have the strength to walk away if the only other choice is to walk down the aisle and falsely make a promise to someone you know you do not want to be with.

A good idea for any couple considering marriage is counseling.

Dana Carroll, the Kansas City Sex and Relationships Examiner, is the “Real Love” columnist for Mass Appeal News. She is also an actress and model. View this article, and others, on the Examiner by clicking here. Dana welcomes your comments at dcarroll@massappealnews.com. For a peek at her movie clips, click here.

To view Beyonce’s “Single Ladies (Put a ring on it)” video, click the play arrow.

Dana Carroll, Sex & Relationships

WHEN TO KNOW IF A RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH SAVING, by Dana Carroll

KANSAS CITY  – Is there a difference in making it work and forcing it to work? How do you know if your relationship is worth saving? You argue all the time. Fussing and fighting is as common as eating breakfast every day. Then you have great makeup sex and you are right back to not getting along . It’s like fire and ice. All of your friends are telling you to leave him but something inside of you can’t bear the thought of living without him. You’d rather fight with him than be happy with someone else.

Is this healthy? Is it normal? How many couples are going through the same thing you are? Pure bliss in a relationship is not likely. The truth is the longer you are with someone, the easier it gets to fight with them. You learn the things you don’t like about them and a lot of the time it’s the same things that were cute in the beginning. It’s about being comfortable; comfortable enough to nitpick about every little thing you don’t like. Comfortable means you don’t try as hard to make that person happy and they probably do not try as hard to keep you happy.

Comfortable in a relationship is like kryptonite. However you could be arguing all the time for another reason. If you have two passionate people trying to be in a relationship together then sparks are likely to fly. This type of arguing to some is not that bad. It’s almost an aphrodisiac. So should you stay together? Making it work is a lot like cultivating a garden. At first it doesn’t appear to be much just some dirt, but with a little water and sunlight the flowers begin to bloom the vegetables start to ripen and you have this beautiful thing you’ve created.

Constant arguing is hard on a relationship

However, you can’t live solely for the future just as you can’t live in the past. You have to learn to live in the right now. You can see your future with this person but what is life like right now with them? Do they make you happy more than they make you sad and angry? When you first started your relationship you probably were not planning to have as many rough patches but that is life. Only you know how much of your life you want to spend being unhappy.

Local KC artist Mike James Jr. calls this situation a Catch 22 in his latest song. When you think about it; it makes a lot of sense that the person you care the most about is also the person that can make you the maddest. Your feelings for them are in overdrive and sometimes that can be both a good and bad thing. Mike’s song speaks to this situation perfectly.

Dana Carroll, the Kansas City Sex and Relationships Examiner, is the “Real Love” columnist for Mass Appeal News. She is also an actress and model. View this article, and others, on the Examiner by clicking here. Dana welcomes your comments at dcarroll@massappealnews.com. For a peek at her movie clips, click here.

To view Fantasia’s “Free Yourself” video, click the play arrow.

Dana Carroll, Sex & Relationships

THERE ARE SO MANY BENEFITS TO HAVING GOOD SEX, by Dana Carroll

KANSAS CITY – There’s nothing like great sex. If you are trying to get in shape for that swimsuit, sex can offer several benefits far beyond feeling good. It’s a great way to workout. Sex can burn a significant amount of calories if done regularly (at least once a week). Oxytocin is a hormone released by having sex and having orgasms. Maybe you’ve heard of it? Maybe you haven’t? But the benefits you receive from this hormone are plentiful. It is also known as the “love hormone.” It has been known to make couples feel a stronger connection to each other.

Some of the reasons you avoid having sex are the very reasons you should be doing it. Sex reduces pain. So, when you have a headache and think the last thing you want to do is have a romp in the sack, that’s exactly what you should do. According to webecoist.com an orgasm is the best pain killer ever created. “It releases natural chemicals like endorphins in the body, both before and during climax. These endorphins have a similar chemical structure to morphine,” the article explains.

There is nothing better than the joy of good sex

Everyone at one point or another has felt their appearance might be lacking something. But sex can make you feel sexy. Sex can promote self esteem according to webmd.com. But there are conditions to this benefit. Gina Ogden, a sex, marriage and family therapist, explained to the aforementioned website that in order to boost self esteem the sex should be “loving and connected.”

Today was the hottest day of the year so far in Kansas City. There is one thing you could be doing to make it hotter. Stop making excuses and start enjoying the beautiful benefits of a healthy sex life.

Dana Carroll, the Kansas City Sex and Relationships Examiner, is the “Real Love” columnist for Mass Appeal News. She is also an actress and model. View this article, and others, on the Examiner by clicking here. Dana welcomes your comments at dcarroll@massappealnews.com. For a peek at her movie clips, click here.

To view R. Kelly’s “Sex Me” video, please click the play arrow.

Dana Carroll, Sex & Relationships

CHASING SOMEBODY THAT DON’T WANT YOU IS A WASTE OF TIME, by Dana Carroll

KANSAS CITY – This may seem like common sense, but a lot of hopeful daters will ignore this one key sign. This one thing could prevent so much heart break and disappointment if and only if people would pay attention to it. Proceed at your own risk. Seriously, if you want to waste your time pursuing someone that doesn’t want to be pursued, really who do you have to blame? If the person you are seeing and hoping to have a relationship with tells you they are not interested in anything serious, believe them.

This next part is going to sting a little. Because the truth is what they are saying when they say this is, “I’m not looking for anything serious with YOU.” The way you convince yourself to hold on to this person and hold out for them getting ready for something serious, is you tell yourself that when they are ready they are going to come to you. No they are not. They never would have said they weren’t ready for a relationship, if they were considering a relationship with you.

Now of course there are exceptions to this rule. There will always be exceptions, however, you need to stop thinking of yourself as the exception. Let that person go. Truly give them up as a potential romantic partner. The reward for this is twofold. If they come back to you, then you will know that it is truly what they want and not what you’ve forced upon them. Secondly if they don’t come back to you and they move on to someone else which they often do, you will not have wasted anymore time hoping for them to choose you. It’s time to be blatantly honest with ourselves and stop wasting time.

Chasing the wrong person is a waste of time

I think there comes a time in everyone’s life that we question, who we are, what we’ve done, and where we’re going. But it is at this cross roads that we have to start making the best decisions to ensure our own happiness. The awesome thing about Kansas City is that it has a plethora of educational options. Anything you have an interest in just about can be pursued in Kansas City. If you are thinking about becoming a writer, The Writer’s Place should be your first stop. You will meet amazing people that share your thirst for the arts and creating. They have readings and workshops you can attend.

Dana Carroll, the Kansas City Sex and Relationships Examiner, is the “Real Love” columnist for Mass Appeal News. She is also an actress and model. View this article, and others, on the Examiner by clicking here. Dana welcomes your comments at dcarroll@massappealnews.com. For a peek at her movie clips, click here.

To view Kelis’ “Bossy” video, please click the play arrow.

Dana Carroll, Sex & Relationships

LIVING IN THE PAST CAN HURT YOUR CHANCES AT TRUE LOVE, by Dana Carroll

KANSAS CITY – Are you open to it? Love that is. Are you really open to the idea of falling in love? If you aren’t how can you expect to fall in love if that is truly what you want; a life of happiness with that special someone that might include a picket fence and white house. If you aren’t open to love it will definitely pass you by. There are various reasons as to what will make someone close their heart and mind to the possibility of finding love. The past is often the main culprit. But living in the past will surely prevent you from enjoying your future.

Holding on to the past is something that everyone does. In some ways it’s absolutely necessary. You really can’t move forward until you’ve learned from the mistakes of your past. But it’s so hard to draw the line between moving on from the past and ignoring the past. It’s probably best to say that people that have the most success with moving on do a little of both. The first thing you have to do when trying to be open to the thought of falling in love is realizing that yes, it’s going to hurt. No one makes it through this life unscathed so stop letting fear keep you from the things you deserve.

Sometimes moving on is a very difficult thing to do

Love is almost as much pain as it is joy sometimes. And if you go into it knowing this, you’ve already won because you are aware. Knowledge is power and that will give you strength. The thing about Kansas City is that every season is as romantic as the latest Nora Roberts novel. With the wind blowing fiercely as a lover scorned and the temperature change as dramatic as the feeling of a love lost, Kansas City is the perfect place to open your heart. Make it a habit to spend each weekend doing something to appreciate this ever changing weather we have in KC. Take a walk. A wonderful website to try is mapmyrun.com.

Dana Carroll, the Kansas City Sex and Relationships Examiner, is the “Real Love” columnist for Mass Appeal News. She is also an actress and model. View this article, and others, on the Examiner by clicking here. Dana welcomes your comments at dcarroll@massappealnews.com. For a peek at her movie clips, click here.

To view Rihanna’s “Rude Boy” video, click the play arrow.

Dana Carroll, Sex & Relationships

BEING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT LOVE BACK, by Dana Carroll

KANSAS CITY – You’re in love with someone that doesn’t love you. What do you do? The sex is great. He makes you laugh constantly and you have a wonderful time with him. But something is missing. You are ready to tell him you love him but you know he doesn’t feel that way about you. Do you tell him and risk being rejected? Do you continue to see him knowing you all are not on the same page? It is not an ideal situation to be in. But you have options. It all boils down to what you can handle. If you know without a doubt he does not love you, then depending on how strong your feelings are for him, you might need to cut your losses and move on.

If you stay in a situation with someone that does not return your feelings, it is a good chance you are going to get hurt. If you think this is a situation you are in there are some steps you can take.

1. COMMUNICATE: You have to communicate your desires. Give your partner the chance to tell you if they are going to be able to return your feelings one day or if they have no interest in falling in love with you. It will be easier to let them go if you know they are not willing to give you what you need out of the relationship.

2. BE WILLING TO SAY GOODBYE: Relationships should always be beneficial to all parties involved. You should never allow yourself to be in a situation where you are fulfilling all of someone else’s needs and allowing your needs to be looked over and forgotten. Put yourself first, you can almost guarantee the person you are dating is putting his/her feelings and desires before yours.

3. KEEP DATING: Never allow one bad situation to keep you from meeting the person you are meant to be with. If you are not putting yourself in a position to meet Mr. or Ms. Right how can you expect them to find you? Besides dating really can be fun. The main goal after letting go of someone you care for should be to continue to enjoy life.

Luckily in Kansas City there are many people that are looking for a serious relationship. There is no reason to settle for less than what you want in a city like this. The thing about relationships is, sometimes they end. But when there’s an ending there is a beginning. Even Jay Z says “it’s on to the next one.”

Dana Carroll, the Kansas City Sex and Relationships Examiner, is the “Real Love” columnist for Mass Appeal News. She is also an actress and model. View this article, and others, on the Examiner by clicking here. Dana welcomes your comments at dcarroll@massappealnews.com. For a peek at her movie clips, click here.

To see Beyonce & Lady Gaga’s “Video Phone” video, click the arrow.

Dana Carroll, Sex & Relationships

HOW DO MEN CHOOSE WHAT WOMEN THEY WANT? by Dana Carroll

KANSAS CITY – Have you ever seen a guy you liked or thought was attractive and wondered, “Why is he with that girl?” Like it or not it’s a reason if not many reasons that draws him to her. So what is it that men want? If we knew the answer to this question we all could have any guy we were interested in right? While out to dinner with friends, a twenty something single guy informed me that men are simple.

He said that the reason men choose a particular woman has a lot to do with timing. This fact has been proven pretty accurate. But there is more to it than that. According to the May 2010 issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine, “It’s usually a small act or fleeting moment that makes them want to go the distance and pop the question.” They asked several married men why they married their wives and they each gave surprisingly simple reasons.

Men seem to chose who they want

The first man said he married his wife because she surprised him by buying him his favorite book. He’d told her years prior about the book so when she gave it to him he was shocked. The next man married his wife because she never nagged him about hanging out with his friends. Husband #3 explained how his wife took care of his ailing mother and that is how he knew she was the one. Another guy they asked told of how his then girlfriend and now wife, was not afraid to be the life of the party.

He said, “Looking at the people around her, I could see how enraptured with her they were. The way she lit up the room was amazing. Witnessing how her lively personality drew other people in made me realize she was the girl I couldn’t let get away.” What should be gathered from all of this is that none of these men mentioned looks as a reason. Often women focus on their appearance in order to get the man they want when they should focus on the emotional attachment they can form from just being themselves.

If you are outgoing there will be a man that sees this as exactly what he wants in his wife. If you are naturally considerate and pay attention to details, there will be opportunities for you to wow the man of your dreams. If you like having fun there will be someone that finds this one simple thing about you beautiful. One man even appreciated the way his wife argued with him. He loved that she was passionate about her views which caused them to fight, but she was also able to get him to talk about what was really bothering him in a way that made him feel comfortable.

What people in relationships need to understand is that just because you are not the one for him, doesn’t mean you are not the one for someone else. When it’s right men know. Just be yourself and allow the man of your dreams to see who you really are. It’s better to be appreciated for who you really are, rather than who you think he wants you to be.

Dana Carroll, the Kansas City Sex and Relationships Examiner, is the “Real Love” columnist for Mass Appeal News. She is also an actress and model. View this article, and others, on the Examiner by clicking here. Dana welcomes your comments at dcarroll@massappealnews.com. For a peek at her movie clips, click here.

To view Keith Murray’s “Fatty Girl” video, click the arrow.

Dana Carroll, Sex & Relationships

YOU CAN TELL ALOT ABOUT A PERSON FROM THE VERY FIRST KISS, by Dana Carroll

KANSAS CITY – Feeling a little discouraged about finding what you really want out of a relationship? Or maybe you don’t know what you want. Tamia’s song “Last First Kiss” should motivate even the most skeptical of daters. Who wouldn’t want someone who they can feel this way about, “Baby you’re perfect, perfect to me, simply means that you are perfect for me.” There is a lot of truth to someone being perfect for you. There is not a perfect person on this Earth but there are people that are better suited for you than others. So how do you weed through the rift raft to get to your prince or princess charming?

Knowing what you want and learning that patience can be your best friend will get you on the right track. Tamia says, “My plan is not to just have a hit and quit. My plan is to make you my last first kiss.” She is upfront about what she wants and this ability to own your desires and stand up for them in the end is what is going to get you exactly what you want. “First time I kissed you I just knew it felt right. Then when I’m with you I’m walking cloud nine. Just being with you makes my whole life shine.” For some, it isn’t always this clear from the very beginning. But patience will help you see if what you have is what you really want. More times than not, what you want, is not what you need.

The first kiss on a date is so important for a good relationship

Learn what makes you happy so you are able to spot it sooner and you won’t waste so much time on what you don’t want and especially what you don’t need. But is hoping for love like this setting us all up for disappointment? Isn’t the dating and relationship game disappointment enough without adding another layer of fantasy? But what if this kind of relationship is out there for all of us? Wouldn’t it be worth the wait? Perhaps if people learned patience and held out for what they really wanted there wouldn’t be such a high divorce rate, just a thought.

Along with knowing what you want and patience, relinquishing your control or the control you think you have over falling in love is important. Love is not something that anyone can truly explain or understand. It is more of a sickness than an emotion. Something you have to succumb to in order to fully appreciate its power. Spring is coming Kansas City believe it or not. There are some wonderful places to have your last first kiss. If you are in to more public displays of affection, what better way to have a memorable last first kiss than standing in line for a roller coaster at World’s of Fun? Going to an amusement park is a great way to get to know someone and allow yourself to be a kid again.

The adrenaline from having a new love interest coupled with the sheer rush of excitement from riding a roller coaster is over-the-top amazing. For those of you that are more private, a picnic at the Wyandotte County Lake offers a plethora of perfectly cozy last first kiss spots. With the crickets chirping and the stars giving you their blessing you can capture the essence of the kiss surrounded by the natural beauty of the lake. A kiss can tell you a lot about what a relationship is or is not going to be. Pay attention.

Dana Carroll, the Kansas City Sex and Relationships Examiner, is the “Real Love” columnist for Mass Appeal News. She is also an actress and model. View this article, and others, on the Examiner by clicking here. Dana welcomes your comments at dcarroll@massappealnews.com. For a peek at her movie clips, click here.

To view Tamia’s “Last First Kiss” video, click the play arrow.

Dana Carroll, Sex & Relationships

ARE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORTH THE PRICE? By Dana Carroll

KANSAS CITY – Relationships are hard enough but add a complication like distance and they are an entirely different ball game. Same rules apply honesty, commitment and loyalty. However these qualities have to already be mastered in order for the relationship to have a chance of lasting. It goes without saying that trust is the key to making something like this work. Without it there truly is no hope so don’t waste your time. The pursuit of love is always worth the struggle but the journey is the hardest part and the destination is your reward. There are some things to take into account when considering such a daunting task.

1. HONESTY: Are you capable of being completely honest with your partner? Are you being completely honest with yourself? Is this really what you want? Because you are going to have to work incredibly hard for it and it should be worth it. Do you believe that you can trust your partner wholeheartedly and without question? Honesty when utilized in a relationship is like the ground the foundation stands on. Without it, the relationship will sink into the depths of the Earth where all failed relationships are put to rest.

2. COMMITMENT: Where are you and your partner on the subject of commitment? Are you both on the same page? Is it an open relationship where you all can and will date other people or are you wanting to focus only on each other? Commitment to making the relationship work is the foundation the relationship is built on.

3. LOYALTY: Loyalty is something a lot of people forget about it seems. But it is the bricks in which the relationship is made out of. It is what holds everything together. With loyalty there is nothing you can’t do. But what does loyalty really mean? The best way to define loyalty in this situation would be, the honest commitment to the success of your relationship. See without honesty and commitment there is no loyalty. But if your relationship is not working being loyal means that you have tried everything in your power to sustain it and knowing when to let it go. If making your relationship work is indeed a priority, you shouldn’t abandon the situation until you are absolutely sure you’ve done your best at being honestly committed.

Honesty, commitment and loyalty are just as important to have in your relationship with yourself. You have to be committed to your own happiness before you can be happy with someone else. Two natives of Kansas City have a different approach to a long distance relationship. What if you could freeze time? Would that give you the advantage you need to make your relationship work? June Kaliq’s song “Freeze Time” featuring Mike James Jr. is definitely a must hear.

Dana Carroll, the Kansas City Sex and Relationships Examiner, is the “Real Love” columnist for Mass Appeal News. She is also an actress and model. View this article, and others, on the Examiner by clicking here. Dana welcomes your comments at dcarroll@massappealnews.com. For a peek at her movie clips, click here.

To see Ashanti’s “Down 4 You” video, click the play arrow.

Dana Carroll, Sex & Relationships

MARRY HIM: THE CASE FOR SETTLING FOR MR. GOOD ENOUGH, by Dana Carroll

KANSAS CITY  – The consensus among singles in Kansas City appears to be that settling in order to get married is not an option. But who would admit that they settled? Not very many people would own up to this fact. And they might have grown to truly love their mate but know somewhere deep down inside that they always thought they could’ve done better. Because that is what the word settling means right?

The author of, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, Lori Gottlieb, seems to think that settling is not only okay it is what women should be doing. But what about men? There are some valid reasons to compromise not settle. There is a difference. No one is perfect and if you are looking for that perfect girl, that looks just like you wanted, she’s successful, and fun there are still going to be things about her that you might not like.

So what do you do? If you stay with her is it settling? What if she has everything that is most important to you, but a few minor things about her bug you? This is where compromise comes in because guaranteed she doesn’t think you are perfect either. You have to determine what your must haves are and what are the things that if you find a person with all of your must haves, you can ignore.

What are reasonable must haves? What’s reasonable for some, might not matter at all to the next person. You have to decide that all on your own. However the easiest way to figure out what you can and cannot live without is to be honest with yourself. Evaluate your past relationships and romantic interactions. Ask yourself what you loved about each person and what you would never accept in the next person you are going to date.

Too often people make the same mistakes over and over again and it is because they are not learning from their past. They are ignoring why their previous situations did not work out and dating the same person over and over again just a different name. One thing a friend said about settling was really profound. He said that people should just be patient. Patience is a virtue that we all could benefit from having.

The person that is meant for you is out there. You just have to be open to love and be patient because there are a lot more people that are not meant for you. So the odds make it hard and discouraging. But if love is what you want. It is worth waiting for.

Dana Carroll, the Kansas City Sex and Relationships Examiner, is the “Real Love” columnist for Mass Appeal News. She is also an actress and model. View this article, and others, on the Examiner by clicking here. Dana welcomes your comments at dcarroll@massappealnews.com. For a peek at her movie clips, click here.

To view Mario’s “Break Up” video, click the play arrow.