HEIDI & SEAL: JEALOUSLY & WORDS NOT INFIDELITY THE DEAL BREAKER. By Rita Watson

BOSTON – In my columns, With Love and Gratitude/Psychology Today, I highlight secrets to strengthen relationships and ward off infidelity and divorce. Gather Celebs tells us today that what ruined the marriage of Heidi Klum and Seal might well be traced to an inability to communicate effectively.

Indeed we have learned from Dr. Ned Hallowell, recently on Dr. Oz, and Laurie Puhn, JD, in her book Fight Less, Love More that words can make or break a relationship.  And with some gossips telling us that there is hope for a reconciliation, who knows?

“Gather Celebs says the  National Enquirer “claims that the supermodel turned TV host was so terrified of her husband’s monstrous jealousy that she stopped sleeping with him. And why would she or anyone want to continue sleeping with a belligerent jealous person. No woman or man should have to put up with envy from their own spouse.” Heidi Klum Divorce: Seal’s Jealousy Caused Her to Stop Sleeping

Were words the deal breaker?

The Huffington Post this week pointed to Dr. Bethany Marshall’s book, “Deal Breakers,” noting that “Identifying your deal breaker … holds out the possibility of helping you to understand where the relationship has gone wrong, what needs to be done in order to make it better, and when to walk away because you’re doing more work than him to fix it,” she wrote. Heidi Klum And Seal Divorce Over This ‘Deal Breaker,’ What’s Yours?‎

In talking with Dr. Hallowell, words that he says are often deal-breakers for families in which one of the partners in a relationship has ADHD, are fighting words that can ruin any relationship.

·        When will you ever learn?

·        Why don’t you ever listen?

·        Why can’t you watch what you are doing?

·        How many times do I have to tell you?

Do these sound familiar? ADHD Diagnosis Saves Marriages: Dr. Hallowell Talks to Dr. Oz

In several interviews with Laurie Puhn, JD, she pointed out to me how couples can avoid fight lines and use love lines instead.

“It can be so easy to replace bad verbal habits that destroy love, for good ones that build love.  All it takes in a bit of awareness and the confidence to use comments laid out for you in Fight Less, Love More – By Laurie Puhn | Amazon.com.

After using just one 5-minute conversation, you will see the results for yourself and wish you had made these small changes years ago,” she said.Laurie Puhn believes that the vast majority of relationships can last a lifetime and be saved from entering the divorce zone if couples learned the art of communication.

Laurie Puhn (www.lauriepuhn.com) has made numerous appearances on national television including Good Morning America, the Today Show, 20/20, Fox News, CNN, and NPR.

Watch for our new book due out in February!

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Rita Esposito Watson, the Love & Marriage Examiner, writes about love, lies, commitment and sex for both her syndicated blog at www.ritawatson.com and the Providence Journal.

Copyright 2012 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

JUSTIN THEROUX TELLS BRAD PITT TO BACK OFF ON JENNIFER ANISTON? By Rita Watson

BOSTON – In the never-ending stories about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie and now Justin Theroux, it is  hard to keep up on the gossip.  Ho-hum.  It seems that Brad took a shot at Jen in a Parade article and now The Stir is telling us today that they are liking Justin Theroux a lot better because he has come out swinging to protect his little Jenny Wren.

But alas, The Gossip Cop, always one to spoil sexy gossip, said today that it is simply not true.  There was a misunderstanding over the words in context of the article. Brad apologized and it is over and done with — fini.

The Stir’s version was a lot more juicy than Gossip Cop’s

Apparently, Justin couldn’t bear to watch Jen be publicly humiliated once again, so he fought back by getting in touch with a mutual friend both he and Brad share. According to a source, Justin phoned up said friend late at night on September 14, saying that “Brad should keep his mouth shut about his life with Jen.” The source also adds, “He couldn’t believe what a coward Brad was.” And it didn’t stop there. Justin Theroux Has Fighting Words for Brad Pitt Over Jennifer Aniston

‎How Jennifer did an Angelina

As I reported back in July, it has been a whirlwind romance for Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux.  His girlfriend of 14 years moved out of his home just last month and Gawker tells us that Jen and Justin are house-hunting AKA  shacking up already! Ever since Angelina Jolie came between Brad Pitt and Aniston public sentiment has always looked at Jolie as a husband-snatcher.

But a closer look at some of the timing of the break-up of Theroux and Heidi Bivens — golden image in the fashion industry — is suspicious.  Aniston and Theroux may well have turned into the Brangelinas and here is why.

The Herald Sun in reporting on a new book tells us that Pitt fell for Jolie before his split from Aniston.  And we know that Jolie has a history of intruding on relationships with married men.

Brad and Angie co-stars just as Jen and Justin

Brad and Angie met on the set of Mr & Mrs. Smith and Justin and Jen were co-stars in The Wanderlust.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave!

For all the latest on marriage and infidelity, read me in Psychology Today Falling Out of Love, Divorce, and Infidelity: The Rx Is Gratitude

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Rita Esposito Watson, the Love & Marriage Examiner, writes about love, lies, commitment and sex for both her syndicated blog at www.ritawatson.com and the Providence Journal.

Copyright 2010 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

WEINER RESIGNS FOR SEXTING AND INFIDELITY PRESIDENTS REIGNED. By Rita Watson

WASHINGTON – Rep. Anthony Weiner was forced to step down because of his sexting scandal rather than keep his post while he sought treatment. CBS News announced the resignation. There does seem to be some type of double standard here.  What he did was vulgar and embarrassing to his wife and his constituents.

He acknowledges that he needs to seek treatment. But is he being treated more harshly than members of Congress or past presidents whose mistresses were openly acknowledged?

CBS NEWS noted:

“Today I am announcing my resignation from Congress so my colleagues can get back to work, my neighbors can choose a new representative and most importantly that my wife and I can continue to heal from the damage I have caused,” Weiner told a packed house of reporters at the Council Center for Senior Citizens in Brooklyn. Anthony Weiner announces resignation from Congress

His wife Huma Abedin, a top aide to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, did not join him at the conference.

What would have happened to the country if these presidents had been asked to step down?

The presidents and alleged mistresses included:

Franklin Delano Roosevelt (Lucy Mercer)
Dwight D. Eisenhower (Kay Summersby Morgan)
John F. Kennedy (from his two secretaries to Marilyn Monroe with a host of ladies in between)
Lyndon Johnson (Madeleine Duncan Brown)
Daddy George Bush (Jennifer Fitzgerald talk was Washington’s soup du jour)
Bill Clinton (Monica Lewinsky)
Barack Obama (totally unproven but there was short-term gossip about Vera Baker — despite the fact that this is considered a model family.)

This column is not a debate on guilt or innocence, but a question about infidelity and forgiveness.  If wives forgive their spouses, then the public should follow suit.

The sexual politics of marriage in this country and in Europe

In America we demand squeaky clean politicians.  In Europe wives look the other way and mistresses become almost a part of the family.  They attend the funerals with the love children when the prominent Prime Ministers die.  I once asked a former Prime Minister of Italy if Belusconi’s mistresses would hurt his ability to govern?

The man laughed and said, “Only if he was in America.”

As Alec Baldwin recently said in a widely quoted reference to Rep. Weiner – “Let he who is not guilty….”

Baldwin is talking about making a run for Weiner’s seat. Baldwin vs. Weiner for NYC Mayor? Alec says Bring it On

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Rita Esposito Watson, the Love & Marriage Examiner, writes about love, lies, commitment and sex for both her syndicated blog at www.ritawatson.com and the Providence Journal.

Copyright 2010 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

WEINER WALKS EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY, SEXTING SLIPPERY SLOPE. By Rita Watson

BOSTON – He has been married for just under a year to a phenomenal woman, so why is Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) in the news for sexing? Today the New York Daily News is talking about his problem with mental health professionals.  We all remember how Tony Parker of the San Antonio Spurs brought down his marriage to Eva Longoria.

Let’s not even talk about Brett Favre, retired NFL quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons.  And then there were those sexy texts that Elin Nordegren discovered with Tiger Woods. Let’s be clear, sexting leads to marital trouble if not actually infidelity.

But he says that he is staying with his wife and has no plans to separate.  His wife is Huma Abedin, aide-de-camp to Hillary Clinton, and Bill Clinton himself officiated at their wedding. There has been no word from his wife, whom  the Washington Post says was subject of a 2007 Vogue photo spread. Anthony Weiner: Looking back at his wedding, bachelorhood, stand up comedy.

The fine line between emotional infidelity and sexting

There is a difficult line with emotional infidelity. Michael J. Formica, a writer, clinician, and educator, talked about the problem in Psychology Today and this is what he determined.

“Emotional infidelity is any situation that creates or causes some degree of emotional unavailability on the part of one partner that interferes with one particular aspect of the relationship, along with the quality of the relationship as a whole.. . . It is a crush that’s reciprocated, but not demonstrably acted upon.” Emotional Infidelity | Psychology Today/ Enlightened Living

While Weiner is insisting he has not been intimate with another woman, he is walking a very slippery slope.

The good news about marriage, divorce, and infidelity

As I reported on May 24th, new US Census confirm that marriages are lasting longer and divorce is declining slightly. Dr.W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, in talking with the Washington Post noted that education, affluence, and religious belief affect the longevity of marriage,  Rita Watson: Valentine love soars, infidelity dips / Providence Journal.

The research on marriage was “taken from a sampling of 55,497 individuals surveyed in 2009.”

More than half of couples currently married have been married for at least 15 years, 35 percent have been married for more than 25 years, and six percent have been married for more than 50 years. The latest numbers are all one to two percentage points higher than Census statistics in 1996. Census Numbers Show Fewer Divorces.

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Rita Esposito Watson, the Love & Marriage Examiner, writes about love, lies, commitment and sex for both her syndicated blog at www.ritawatson.com and the Providence Journal.

Copyright 2010 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

JOHN EDWARDS GUILTY OF HUBRIS, BREAKING MARRIAGE VOWS, OR THE LAW? By Rita Watson

BOSTON – For sure John Edwards is guilty of something.  But what is it exactly?  Is he guilty of protecting his terminally wife from learning about his mistress, guilty of misusing campaign funds, or guilty of hubris?  Certainly he is a man who had lost contact with reality in his drive to attain the presidential nomination.

Thinking in terms of hubris, it is no longer surprising that the Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics (CRE) in Washington, a watchdog group, is critical of the prosecution of John Edwards.  As the San Jose Mercury News reported this past evening Edwards pleads not guilty to funding charges

The CRE has often criticized the Department of Justice for what it sees as failing to pursue government officials involved in wrongdoing.  What seems to be at issue here is whether or not money he received was used to protect his dying wife from the truth about his infidelity or misusing campaign funds.

While both a campaign violation and taking deceptive steps to hide adultery are wrong, did he break the law or his marriage vows?

The Miami Herald tells us:

As a Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards got a lot of help in hiding his secret affair and love child through funds provided by Fred Baron, a Texas lawyer who secretly funneled $200,000 to squire Edwards’ lover on chartered flights, stay in tony hotels like the Four Seasons and live in a Santa Barbara mansion. Indictment describes late attorney’s efforts to hide Edwards’ lover

The case of the missing condom

His attorneys will argue that he did not break the law and charges are a very broad interpretation of campaign finance law. Nonetheless in the court of public opinion, John Edwards betrayed a wife who was dying from cancer.  He fell into the arms of a woman who whispered in his ear one day, “You are so hot.”

Together they made a sex tape and conceived a love-child.  If John Edwards is really guilty of anything – it is failing to use a condom!

That’s hubris.

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Rita Esposito Watson, the Love & Marriage Examiner, writes about love, lies, commitment and sex for both her syndicated blog at www.ritawatson.com and the Providence Journal.

Copyright 2010 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

OPRAH RELAXES WITH STEDMAN, LOVE OF HER LIFE, AFTER FAREWELL. By Rita Watson

BOSTON – Oprah has declared she is relaxing in her PJs with long-time partner Stedman Graham “after a trio of emotional farewell shows” says NEWS.com.co.  Despite the touching and uplifting tributes ranging from a candlelight process of the young men at Morehouse College, who received her scholarships, to Aretha Franklin’s “Amazing Grace,” perhaps the biggest surprise came from a man we often see but rarely hear from, Oprah’s long time love – the man who declared his love and then introduced Franklin.

As I reported in December — It’s all over the news today and something revealed by Oprah Winfrey that Barbara Walters did not know about — she and Stedman Graham live together. This is what she says according to the Seattle Post Intelligencer:

In a TV interview with Barbara Walters, Winfrey says, “Yes. (He’s) the love, the lover, the man, the mate (in my life).

“I cannot say that I know of another man on this planet who could have lived this life with such dignity, such grace and such respect and humility and still hold his own and be his own.”

Lovely to hear such words in a world of Tinseltown marriage havoc.

Stedman’s Farewell

From the Daily Mail: ‘It really amazes me that I got to be around a woman who changes people’s lives every day and who also takes her own lunch to work.’

Graham, who has been in a relationship with Oprah since 1986, went on: ‘I can’t believe that a coloured girl from the back woods of Mississippi has done all that you have done.

‘But what is really amazing is that you have done this… through God’s amazing grace.

‘I love you for making the difference in my life.’ Dailymail.co.uk/t

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Rita Esposito Watson, the Love & Marriage Examiner, writes about love, lies, commitment and sex for both her syndicated blog at www.ritawatson.com and the Providence Journal.

Copyright 2010 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

MORE LOVE CHILDREN SURFACE AS SCHWARZENEGGER TAKES HEAT. By Rita Watson

BOSTON – If there was any hope of a reconciliation between Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger it is rapidly being crushed by what might be called “the case of the missing condoms.”  The Sun just revealed that there are two more love children. It seems that “Jane Seymour [Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman] who moves in the same social circles in Malibu, claimed it was common knowledge.”

High profile love children and men who can’t condom-up

What’s going on with sex these days?  Reille Hunter whispered, “You are so hot” and John Edwards fathered her child. Then there was Mel Gibson and Oksana, his Baby Momma, while still married to Robyn Gibson. And remember there was Jude Law and a host of others. Do any of these men know how to condom-up?

Companies spend millions of dollars on campaign ads and what messages do young people get from Hollywood and politicians?  Adultery and sex without condoms, of course.

In Hollywood and along the Beltway, men take chances.  Why?  Their collective response must surely be: “We are heroes.  We have unprotected sex.  We like making love-children.” Why Don’t Men Like Schwarzenegger, John Edwards Use Condoms?

Jane Seymour on Arnold

Jane Seymour reportedly said: “I heard about two more children. I met someone who knows him well. I was not remotely surprised by their separation. He was obviously jumping the gun before everyone else told the world the news. And from what I gather there will be lots of information coming people’s way.”  Arnie has two more secret kids

Another mistress to surface has a big announcement planned for Tuesday and she has already hired Gloria Allred. The news is anyone’s guess. One of Arnold’s mistress hires lawyer Gloria Allred – Gossip Column

As for Maria Shriver and saving the marriage, new revelations must be testing her faith.

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Rita Esposito Watson, the Love & Marriage Examiner, writes about love, lies, commitment and sex for both her syndicated blog at www.infidelityfastfacts.com and the Providence Journal.

Copyright 2010 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

SCHWARZENEGGER’S MISTRESS DENIES CAUSING MARRIAGE BREAKUP. By Rita Watson

BOSTON – Despite declarations of love for Maria Shriver and hopes for reconciliation, the mistresses are beginning to surface.  The Mirror pointed out today that  Arnold Schwarzenegger ‘mistress’ denies causing marriage break-up.  The article sounds a lot like those we read during the Tiger Woods mess.

But there is one very big difference.  When the disintegration of marriage is all over of the news, babies do not hear the gossip. In this case there are four grown children.  And one child is front and center in a Tinseltown tidbit, but Gossip Cop assures us that Patrick is not dating Miley Cyrus.

As we have seen with all of the high profile infidelity cases with older children, gossip not only hampers reconciliation, but it strains the children.  In this case the children are: Katherine Eunice born in 1989, Christina Maria Aurelia, born in 1991, Patrick, in 1993, and Christopher in 1997.

The headlines are blaring.  The 2011 Pulitzer Prize winning Chicago Sun Times noted: “Sources close to the spouses say the collapse of the marriage was caused by multiple allegations of the aging action star’s marital infidelities. . .” Schwarzenegger infidelity allegations key to collapse of marriage …

The Mirror said that there appeared to be a principle mistresses who shattered the marriage, but she claims she was just one of many.

Gigi Goyette’s allegations of a fling with Schwarzenegger – which he denies – are said to have distressed his wife Maria Shriver so much she’ll never take him back. Arnold Schwarzenegger ‘mistress’ denies causing marriage break-up

Many are rooting for reconciliation. Maria Shriver is a devoted Roman Catholic and for her, divorce would be a difficult option. The family attends Mass regularly.  And it seems that as I reported earlier, there is hope.  During this crisis, they may just pull together as a family.

The SF Weekly said yesterday that “the California Healthy Marriages Coalition, which receives $2.4 million annually in federal funding, is criticizing Schwarzenegger and Shriver for giving up after 25 years of marriage and announcing they will divorce.” Pro-Marriage Group Wants Schwarzenegger and Shriver to Get Back Together.

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Rita Esposito Watson, the Love & Marriage Examiner, writes about love, lies, commitment and sex for both her syndicated blog at www.infidelityfastfacts.com and the Providence Journal.

Copyright 2010 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

SPRING INTO LOVE: 5 WAYS TO SAY “I LOVE YOU” SAYS LAURIE PUHN. By Rita Watson

BOSTON – We know that Spring Fever triggers a desire for some fun love as well as spring cleaning.  Even though doctors say Spring Fever does not exist as a medical condition, we all know that feeling of new beginnings as buds appear on the trees and flowers begin to blossom.

I have often said and written that Spring Fever and spring cleaning have a common denominator — letting go. In one case it is objects, in another it is emotional baggage. Every one of us can enjoy a Spring Fever high.  But once you let that baggage go — or even before make sure you fill the space with LOVE.

“You can make spring love happen now,” says Laurie Puhn whom I have interviewed in the past for her best-selling book, Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In.

Laurie Puhn J.D. (pictured left), is a Harvard-trained lawyer and couples mediator. (See links at end for an earlier interview with my “Making Marriage Work” series.) Now from her book, she is giving us advice on putting more love in the air with some quick tips.

5 New Ways to Say ‘I Love You’ in 30 seconds or less

1. Use “Follow Up” Bonds
When your mate tells you about something that’s going to happen that day, whether it’s a meeting, a doctor’s appointment, or taking your son or daughter to a soccer game, always make it a top priority to ask your mate, “How did it go?” By following up you are saying, you matter to me and I love you.

2. Bestow “Focused” Talk
If you and your mate are away from each other during the day and you are busy but have access to e-mail or text messaging, take 30 seconds to send a romantic note saying, “Just thinking about you,” “How’s your day going?” or “Looking forward to seeing you tonight.”

3. Offer “Pitch-in” Connectors
Volunteering to help your mate with tasks (like those in the kitchen or child care) even when you are busy, tired or overwhelmed yourself is another powerful way to say, “I love you. You are special to me and I care about you.”

4. Display “Face-to-Face” Expressions
As love becomes a permanent fixture in our life, we often take it for granted. Don’t ignore your mate. Routinely say hello and goodbye to each other and engage in one sentence face-to-face expressions of love such as “I love our life together,” “You’re a great mother/father,” or “Your were so kind to do that for me.”

5. Exhibit ”Touch and Go” Contact
When you and your mate arrive home how much time passes before you touch each other or offer a quick hug or kiss? When you and your mate are together, whether you are watching TV, emptying the dishwasher or reading, take 30 seconds to reach out to each other. This quick touch says, “I see you. I hear you. I love you.”

Spring is the time for new beginnings. It’s your time to recharge your relationship.

Laurie Puhn Biography
Ms. Puhn has a B.A. and law degree from Harvard.  She has private practice in couples mediation in New York City.  She regularly appears on The Early Show, Good Morning America, Fox News and CNN to offer relationship communication commentary and advice.  She is the bestselling author of Fight Less, Love More: 5 Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In and lives in New York with her husband and two children.  Visit www.fightlesslovemore.com for more information.

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Rita Esposito Watson, the Love & Marriage Examiner, writes about love, lies, commitment and sex for both her syndicated blog at www.infidelityfastfacts.com and the Providence Journal.

Copyright 2010 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

TIGER STRUGGLES FOR BALANCE, ELIN GOES CRAZY WITH MANSION. By Rita Watson

BOSTON – Tiger Woods has struggled with his golf game and his self image.  Expanding upon the theme of his Newsweek Op-Ed piece last November, on Wednesday he spoke to both ABC’s  Good Morning America and Jimmy Fallon about his active role parenting, his struggles as a single dad, and his need for balance.

Somewhat ironically, just as the media is reporting “Tiger Wood as Dad” interviews with a man seeking to restore equilibrium in his life, Elin has gone wild reportedly on a $12.2 million waterfront mansion just 10 miles from Tiger Woods. ‎The good news about the house is that it makes shared custody much easier for the parents and less stressful for their children.

Woods has been saying: “I just love being with them and seeing what they’re doing, what they’re capable of doing – the joys, just the shifts of interest. It’s just fun. We have a great time together.”

It seems that both Elin and The Tiger have decided to behave like adults and act in the best interest of their children. Tiger Woods has made significant efforts to be with his children and it appears that Elin’s move with make for a smooth transition into a new life of single parenting that each is facing.

In the piece for Newsweek magazine, he wrote: “Last November, everything I thought I knew about myself changed abruptly, and what others perceived about me shifted, too. I had been conducting my personal life in an artificial way—as if detached from the values my upbringing had taught, and that I should have embraced.”  Tiger Woods, as dad and humanitarian, redefines victory.

Children often have a difficult time with divorce, but parents can ease the strain and the pain. Children need their parents more than ever during a divorce and it is vital to keep their needs front and center “offering reassurance, hope, and a sense of stability can help ease the effects of divorce on children of all ages,” says WebMD. Children coping with divorce

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Rita Esposito Watson, the Love & Marriage Examiner, writes about love, lies, commitment and sex for both her syndicated blog at www.infidelityfastfacts.com and the Providence Journal.

Copyright 2010 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved