Home inspector rapes Elmo doll.  Blog King, Mass Appeal PONTIAC — Kevin Wayne VanLuven was tickled by Elmo. Now he’s behind bars. The 59-year-old home inspector was thrown in the slammer after he forced the Sesame Street character to give him a blow job while on the job. The pornographic ordeal transpired March 12th inside the nursery of a 22-year-old ...

Snoop returns to gangsta personae. Blog King, Mass Appeal LOS ANGELES — “Drop it like it’s hot.” After spending a couple of seasons in the kitchen with Martha Stewart, Snoop Dogg is returning to his gangsta roots. The 49-year-old rapper is now a member of Starz’s “Black Mafia Family.” The Dogfather will play “Pastor Swift” in 50 Cent’s impending dramatization ...

Attorney General attacks governors.  Blog King, Mass Appeal WASHINGTON — Attorney General William Barr ruffled some feathers on Wednesday when he drew parallels between coronavirus lockdown measures and slavery. The corpulent barrister called the national stay-at-home order the “greatest intrusion on civil liberties [in U.S. history] other than slavery.” Barr, 70, voiced the juxtaposition while speaking at a ‘Constitution Day’ ...

White woman brandishes gun.  Blog King, Mass Appeal DETROIT — Chipotle’s burritos are so damn good, they make you wanna slap your momma! But they ain’t worth dying for. Law enforcement officials in Orion Township, Michigan are investigating after Jillian Wuestenberg — a gravid white woman — pulled a gun on a black mother and her 15-year-old daughter. The disturbing ...

Black guy whips Caucasian man.  Blog King, Mass Appeal FLINT — Law enforcement officials in Flint, Michigan are investigating after 18-year-old Damire Palmer beat the sh*t out of a white Macy’s employee who reportedly called him the N-word. The pummeling transpired Monday evening at Genessee Valley Center Mall. Damire’s 22-year-old brother, Damarquay Palmer, recorded the bombardment and posted the video ...

Black man hits elderly patient. Blog King, Mass Appeal DETROIT — Law enforcement officials in Michigan are investigating after 20-year-old Jaydon Hayden pummeled an elderly nursing home patient for no damn reason. The bombardment took place May 15th at the Westwood Rehabilitation Nursing Centre in Detroit. It was also captured on video. Cell phone footage shows Jaydon punching a 75-year-old ...

Lizzo drops new “twerk” footage.  Blog King, Mass Appeal MINNEAPOLIS — Our buddy Lizzo is back at it again. The “Truth Hurts” singer released another “twerk” video earlier this week; except this time she’s scantily-clad in transparent lingerie. Cell phone footage shows the corpulent diva gyrating her hips as she ogles the camera. Seconds later, Lizzo leaned against the wall ...

Girlfriend bites off boyfriend’s tongue. Blog King, Mass Appeal DETROIT — Here’s a Valentine’s Day story for your ass: Youlette Wedgeworth, 52, had her fugly ass thrown in jail after she masticated her boyfriend’s tongue during a french kiss. The sanguinary ordeal went down inside his apartment bedroom on January 28th in Detroit, Michigan. According to court docs, Youlette and ...

Popeyes worker whips customer.  Blog King, Mass Appeal DETROIT — Law enforcement officials in Motown are investigating after a Popeyes Chicken employee assaulted a 20-year-old customer while stripping off her raiments in front of everybody in the restaurant. The donnybrook took place inside the greasy fast food venue in Detroit. It was also captured on video. Cell phone footage shows ...

Murderer gets two centuries in prison. Blog King, Mass Appeal GRAND RAPIDS — Jared Chance, 30, will spend the next century or two behind bars. That’s because on Thursday he received a lengthy sentence of 100 to 200 years in prison for the grisly dismemberment of 31-year-old Ashley Young. The mutilation took place last year in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Kent ...